stressed!

[kattallysn]

Hey all, this is my first year homeschooling my son. We held him back a year because he failed his grade in public school last year. He is doing really well homeschooling and I have so many reasons why I think this is the best choice for our family.....however I have a certain family member that hates the fact that I am doing this and they are constantly hounding my husband and I. I was so strong at first and tonight I just ran in the bathroom and bawled. I don't understand why people have such a hard time with this. What am I doing different? I follow a curriculum just like the school teachers. I am bringing up my children the way I think God sees fit. I am removing the things I don't agree with the the public school teaches and teaching him to learn the truth about creation, God, etc. Why do people frown on me so much for trying so hard with my kids? I sacrifice my time, my relaxation to work with my kids. Why am I letting people hurt my feelings by how I raise my kids? I am just so frustrated.

[NewWorldOrder]

kattallysn, I don't know who the family member is, but you may have to get very firm with them, whether it be one of your parents or his parents, or a sister, aunt, etc.. They have no right to say anything, this is your child. If you and your husband are in agreement with your son's education, then what you say goes. I have had to tell certain relatives to mind their own darn (not the word exactly) business or there won't be any visits for a while. They either respect our wishes and leave it alone, or else. They now leave us alone, and know not talk to us about something they don't know anything about. They have since changed their tune on homeschooling and think what we're doing is good for us.

I guess I'm just the type of person to get mad instead of sad, and I won't put up with any garbage from people when it comes to my kids. Hang in there. You know what you are doing is the right thing, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[Biblecat2]

NewWorld hit the nail on the head. It's not their business!

[farmgirl]

You are under attack because you are sacrificing to raise your children in a manner that is obedient to God. Anytime we do something that hinders Satan, it seems like we can almost set our watches by the attacks. I started homeschooling this year too, and immediately after I started we were hit with major financial catastrophes that of course would be solved if I stopped homeschooling and got a job. Hang in there, you know you're doing something really worthwhile when you start getting attacked for it.

[lisaann]

Ditto what NWO said.

This is between you, your hubby and God and is NONE of their business. If they cannot say anything positive then they need to be told firmly that it is a subject you will not discuss with them. Don't try to convince them, your children will do it as they grow up and prove that you are doing the right thing.

[MochaMel]

kattallysn, I don't know who the family member is, but you may have to get very firm with them, whether it be one of your parents or his parents, or a sister, aunt, etc.. They have no right to say anything, this is your child. If you and your husband are in agreement with your son's education, then what you say goes. I have had to tell certain relatives to mind their own darn (not the word exactly) business or there won't be any visits for a while. They either respect our wishes and leave it alone, or else. They now leave us alone, and know not talk to us about something they don't know anything about. They have since changed their tune on homeschooling and think what we're doing is good for us.

I guess I'm just the type of person to get mad instead of sad, and I won't put up with any garbage from people when it comes to my kids. Hang in there. You know what you are doing is the right thing, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I 2nd what NWO said; She's right! Don't let the doomsayers get you down.. You are doing a VERY most important and selfless job right now for your child..

[ChayilWoman]

This is a serious subject, and I feel for you Katta. But it reminded me of a funny story... We knew from before we had kids that we would homeschool. We never talked about it much with my in-laws as we knew they wouldn't be as open to it. But when we started with my first dd, my husband's grandma bought a school desk. She asked me if I wanted it. I told her no thank you because we already had a table we sat at to do our lessons. She was mad at me for months. She was convinced no child could be properly educated unless they had a school desk to do their work on. It took years to get past that event.

All that to say, there are a lot of stereotypes to get past when it comes to home educating. Stick in there, Katta. You're doing the right thing regardless of where or why the trials come.

[makarioselpis]

Katta: Tears and homeschooling go together sometimes. At times there will be tears of joy, tears of frustration and in your case tears of persecution. The others are right...it's really none of the relative's business if this is the course you and your husband have decided on. Sometimes when we choose a course different from family and friends they take it as criticism of their choice. It's only human to want others to legitimize our choices and when they don't and do something totally opposite we become insecure. Keep your focus on God...afterall, in the end it will only be His opinion that matters.

[NewWorldOrder]

Katta: Tears and homeschooling go together sometimes. At times there will be tears of joy, tears of frustration and in your case tears of persecution. The others are right...it's really none of the relative's business if this is the course you and your husband have decided on. Sometimes when we choose a course different from family and friends they take it as criticism of their choice. It's only human to want others to legitimize our choices and when they don't and do something totally opposite we become insecure. Keep your focus on God...afterall, in the end it will only be His opinion that matters.

Very wise words.

[Goldendinosaur]

Ugh. My parents chose to homeschool me ever since the second grade, and... well, none of our relatives got too pesky about it, but my grandmother and perhaps one or two of my aunts thought that I was being socially deprived and whatnot, and that it was hindering me because I was not doing all the things that kids get to do in public school.

But I turned out okay, I think And its' really no one's business how parents choose to raise their kids.

[lisaann]

This was sent to me in an email. It was not written by someone claiming to be a Christian but hopefully you can see the humor in it and get a chuckle. I sent it to my MIL and a few other family members and also have it posted on my refrigerator.

The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List
By Deborah Markus, from Secular Homeschooling Magazine, Issue #1, Fall 2007
1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.

7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.

14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

25 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!

More about Issue #1




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[NewWorldOrder]

Lisaann, I love that! We should post that as a sticky.

[ChayilWoman]

Love it! My story about the desk even made it in there at #14!

[kattallysn]

Sorry about the slow response, but thank you all for your replies!! I do feel better. I did give me some reassurance and a second wind. I am ready to carry on!

[topekaclark]

Lisaann, loved that. I'm gonna make a copy and hang it up.

That happened just last week with my kids, they went down the street to a friends house and was questioned by a relative of the friend.

I told my kids next time that happens, go: Why do you feel the need to question me and not the public school kids.

I was a little upset.

[mom211]

Lisaann, I just posted that list not knowing the author. Thanks for the info.