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  • i need advice

    what do you ladies think about this, my son came home from school a couple of days ago & said his best friend sam told him that when he gets home from school his dad beats him with a belt. i asked my son if sam had told his teacher my son said that sam had done that but they are in first grade, so i am not sure if sam actually told his teacher or not i am conflicted if i should call his teacher or not on the one hand i do believe in disclipe and spanking a child, if deserved but never with an object & actually i have never given either of my child harder than a swat on the butt, & believe in parents rights to discipline on the other hand how much is too much disipline when is it abuse, & what i am mostly worried about is what happens if this child gets severly hurt, & i could have somehow prevented it?

  • #2
    Spanking with a belt is NOT abuse. Spanking with something like that (a rod) by a loving parent is biblical.

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    • #3
      How is it NOT abuse? Especially when children get both emotional and physical scars?

      I still remember when my father used to beat me. I consider that physical and emotional abuse. I don't condone ANY parent striking their child, especially not after what I went through. I still get haunted to this day about it and that was over 10 years ago.

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      • #4
        Well, the boy used the word beat. I'm wondering how one finds out if this child is being beaten or just swatted? Maybe the child is reaching out for someone to take more notice?

        Personally, I see whipping with a belt as abuse b/c there is little control over how, where and the amount of force used.

        A little switch is so much safer, in my opinion.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Jacksmom View Post
          what do you ladies think about this, my son came home from school a couple of days ago & said his best friend sam told him that when he gets home from school his dad beats him with a belt. i asked my son if sam had told his teacher my son said that sam had done that but they are in first grade, so i am not sure if sam actually told his teacher or not i am conflicted if i should call his teacher or not on the one hand i do believe in disclipe and spanking a child, if deserved but never with an object & actually i have never given either of my child harder than a swat on the butt, & believe in parents rights to discipline on the other hand how much is too much disipline when is it abuse, & what i am mostly worried about is what happens if this child gets severly hurt, & i could have somehow prevented it?
          When I was in HS I had a friend who's dad beat her with a belt. One day, she was afraid to change in PE and back then, you got in big trouble if you didn't. She was telling me she was afraid everyone would see her marks. I asked her to show me, her back was completely black and blue. I went to our PE teacher, the authorities were called and she was removed from the home. I only spoke to her one more time after she'd been removed, and she was so happy I'd told.

          Is there a way you can have the boy come over for a "play date". If so, I'd try and see if there are marks on him. If he's being abused, I would not hesitate to call the Principal. Calling the anonymous child abuse tip line can take more time, and a lot more red tape. I have done both. Having been abused as a child myself, I don't risk a child not being protected if I know they are in a dangerous situation. I have turned in a handful of people, unfortunately, but I was SURE of the facts before proceeding. Being they are first graders, he could be making it up, but I'd rather side with caution and try and find out for sure. When I was abused, I told my best friend, who told her parents. Unfortunately, the parents privately went to my father and asked him, who convinced them "I was misunderstanding what he was doing". It never went any further, her parents never talked to me, and I only found out as an adult that he'd been confronted by him.

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          • #6
            I was spanked with a belt, too. But my parents didn't abuse me. The key is that it was done with love, by a loving parent.
            I personally use a switch or "spank spoon" with my children. Yes, I feel as if I'm not sure where the belt will land. I will not spank them with my hand. I rarely spank, too, btw. Here in the south ppl say all the time that they are going to "beat" their kids...but they mean spank (usually). It's just a saying (again, not always is this just a saying). I am NOT saying that this is the case in this situation...This is just where I'm coming from. Sorry if I offended anyone. Topics such as these can get very heated, so I will use a little wisdom and remove myself from this particular thread.

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            • #7
              This discussion could go on and on. The fact is you don't know to what extent the boy is being spanked or worse beaten. Tell the principal and teacher what your son told you. They'll take the ball from there. Having worked in a school where a couple of my students were removed from their home due to abuse and neglect, I can tell you the teacher has probably already noticed some signs of abuse if that indeed is the case.

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              • #8
                thank you ladies for your thoughtful input, i think i will talk to his teacher, i do not know this family at all so i do not know how they handle things or discipline, they are not from our neighborhood my son goes to a magnet school kids come from all over his friend also has never been over to our house or vise versa (sp)

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                • #9
                  Teachers and principles are trained to deal with this kind of thing. My daughter is a teacher, and she has to go to the principle with it. It is the law that it has to be dealt with, or they could be in trouble for not reporting it.
                  They sent my son when he was younger to a counselor in school because he was drawing cartoons of guns and people killing each other with swords, he loves comics and stuff like that so he was drawing his own stories. The teacher freaked because he didnt draw pictures of puppies and doggies like other kids, and she sent him to a counselor, and the counselor talked to him and asked him all kinds of personal questions about what kind of parents and people we were.
                  Nothing came of it, my son is a Christian teenager and I have no fear that he'll kill anyone with a gun or sword.....and I did spank him with my hand because he was a stinker for about 7 years!!!!

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                  • #10
                    okay i got some new news about this that my son told my husband, he told him that his dad makes him take off all his clothes before he gets punished why would he have his little boy take off all his clothes if he is supposed to be getting spanked on the butt?it makes no sense to me & makes me even more worried

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                    • #11
                      I don't have many posts under my belt here but, I felt compelled to respond to this post. I work in Juvenile Court in my home state in a child advocate roll. I implore you to call child protection immediately. You can do this anonymously. In my state, Child Protection will send an investigator to the child's school and speak with the child. If abuse is happening, they will remove the child. This isn't a bad thing. The county/state will offer the family services to end the abuse and to keep the family intact. Please call, and pray for him. You may just save this child's life or quality of life.

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                      • #12
                        I absolutely agree that you should tell someone. I too was abused and hit with all sorts of stuff, and wished for years someone would help me. I told a few people who did nothing, and to this day I still wonder why. Especially with the clothes being removed, which is beyond normal punishment, you should definitely tell the teacher at the very least. Just thinking about it is making me sad. Who knows what that poor boy is going through that he hasn't mentioned. If he's talking about it, its probably a cry for help.

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                        • #13
                          thank you all

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Jacksmom View Post
                            thank you all
                            Did you talk to the teacher or anyone yet?

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                            • #15
                              Yes, this thread could go on forever. Since no one knows for sure what is happening in the boy's home I would be very careful. School employees are legally supposed to call the authorities if they even imagine that a child is being "abused." It could cause a lot of grief for the family if it is proven to be untrue. If, on the other hand, he is truly being abused, that's another story, and one where there needs to be intervention. I guess my point is that you should be very careful in pusuing this, for it will have huge consequences.

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