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  • Unexpectantly Pregnant?

    Just last month, during a 10 hour drive for our Spring Break vacation with our kids, I read almost the entire menopause thread on this board. I recognized so many of the symptoms and figured I was probably at least in peri-menopause. Not that my husband and I had planned on having anymore children, but the thought that my child bearing years are over made me kind of sad, which I'm guessing, is probably a normal feeling. I have 4 daughters, ages 24, 14, 13 and 6.

    Don't normally keep up with my periods, but I was on my period during that long drive and since we have been home about 5 weeks, figured I should have started by now, so I decided to take a pregnancy test on Monday. I was shocked that it was positive. There were 2 in the box so I took the other one, which was also positive. I asked my 24 year old daughter to buy me another one...she brought home a digital test that says "pregnant" or "not pregnant." It said "pregnant." I took another one yesterday, also positive, and yet another this morning...all positive. I am 44.

    I called my OB and asked if there is anything that can cause a false positive pregnancy test and they said there is nothing and made an appointment for me in about a month.

    I know this will sound horrible but I am absolutely mortified. How could this happen? I have known women attempting to get pregnant in their 40s who have been told the odds of a natural pregnancy are 1-5%...making the odds of NOT getting pregnant 95-99%. I just feel that I am far too old and will look like a freak! I can only imagine what people will say if I really am pregnant. Also, I had health issues with my last pregnancy when I was 37, (pregnancy induced high blood pressure) what will that be like now? And what about a baby even being healthy? I feel angry at my husband (which I shouldn't be, he is feeling confused also) and I just want to hide in my house and feel the need to apologize for this, But I don't know who I should apologize to.

    I know all things come from God, but I don't even know what to say to Him...I almost feel as if I should apologize to Him too, apologize for feeling sad for not being able to have anymore children, or that I really wasn't planning on having anymore, or apologize for feeling so fearful and confused now.

    We decided to tell our older girls what was going on, that we weren't even certain that I am really pregnant and that we aren't even certain if the pregnancy will hold. They were shocked and my 13 year old is taking it especially hard. She says she wants to change schools bc she is so embarrassed bc of my age and doesn't want another baby anyway.

    I know I sound so awful and negative but I just really needed to confess all of this to someone who will hopefully not judge me too harshly. I am just so freaked out and so confused.

    Thank you so much for listening.

  • #2
    If it helps, angelka, I had my first and only baby, a girl, when I was 40. I had pregnancy-induced hypertension, too. I was swelling and they decided to induce labor a month early, which she handled very well. My baby is all grown up now and married. She has been such a blessing!

    You are not "far too old" to be expecting and I really doubt people would feel you "look like a freak." Even if they did, what does it matter? You no doubt love your four you have already tremendously and will love this one just as much. I would be very surprised if you don't find your heart melts and brims over with love when you hold this baby in your arms, too!

    Thank you, Mary Rae, for your lovely picture!

    "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21
    ______

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    • #3
      Congratulations because having a baby really is a blessing. My daughter just found out she's "unexpectantly" expecting her second -- when she told the family, she cried, her husband beamed and all 4 grandparents had slack jaws in shock. But really, it's all good. You're really not too old at all and you'll have plenty of helpers with your daughters. Pray for health and wellness, and try to take it day-by-day. And who knows, maybe this time you'll have a baby boy!

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      • #4
        Oh wow! Congratulations! I can understand your lack of enthusiasm since it wasn't planned, but I'll be praying that you and baby stay healthy! Please let us know how the pregnancy goes!
        I'm 37 and over the last couple years I've been praying the the Lord would allow me to get pregnant...although it would have to be a miracle since my husband is 'fixed' Hasn't happened though.

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        • #5
          Angelka, you're not 'awful' for having those feelings about how this will affect your life -- after all, it's a huge shock, and you need some time to adjust. You're no newbie to the 'mom' role and all it entails. Your thinking and your heart will come around as you begin to sort this out through eyes of faith.

          I think it will help enormously if you begin to focus on the personhood of this baby, and give over all the "what-if's" of how this will affect your own life to the Lord. Remember, you gave your life to Jesus, and it's His. Don't try to take it back now! You can trust Him to do what is good.

          So think of this little soul that the Lord is weaving together in your womb. A new soul is an awesome thing to think about. That was once where each of your precious girls began. You know you wouldn't do without any one of them, and this one will be no different in that regard.

          There is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about - resist the temptation to fall into that lie. Again, do NOT believe that lie! Having a baby in your 40's isn't even that unusual, but even if it were, it's in no way shameful! It's beautiful! Really, hold your head up and begin to thank the Lord for what He's doing. That will help transform your perspective. I think your 13-year-old will take her cues from you. You might want to talk with her, and explain that, as you have had time to think about it, you are realizing what a gift God is giving to your family. If she begins to think about this baby as a person, she can understand that the baby is already deserving of her love and family loyalty. If she sees you cringing in embarrassment, she's think that's the correct view. Don't let the enemy steal your joy with lies.

          I had a very surprising pregnancy at 39, and I remember the shock. But, as I look back, I sure wouldn't change a thing. Yes, pregnancy is often a bit more difficult, but God will see you through, and His will is good, perfect, and pleasing (Romans 12:1-2). And, as was already mentioned, your girls will no doubt give you plenty of help!

          I am sure that, if we could, your RR sisters would all gather around you for a big group hug, and we'd start laughing and getting excited and planning for this new precious little cutie! And most importantly, Jesus loves you, and is right there with you in this!

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          • #6

            Congratulations! Back when I was growing up, when there wasn't all that much in the way of planning for some families, it was common for a woman to have her last child in her early 40s.

            Sneaking back out...
            Tall Timbers, Imperfect but forgiven

            3 trees

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            • #7
              Oh what wonderful news!!! This baby will be such a blessing. I did not marry until I was 36. I thought I would get pregnant quickly as mom had 3 babies, one sister had 3 and the other sister had 2 babies. Well, nothing happened. After infertility work up and a laparoscopy so the doctor could look at my ovaries I was told that the only way I could have a child was by in vitro fertilization (I had polycystic ovaries and endometriosis of the ovary so they were all scarred down) which would cost about $20,000 and not guaranteed to be successful. So, we decided no. We thought about adoption but it also is very expensive and there are no guarantees when adopting a baby--we knew a couple of couples who are on their second and third tries of adopting newly born babies but the new mothers changed their mind and kept the babies. So, we again finally decided no and instead decided to, over time, use the money we would have spent on trying to get a child to spend it on putting folks on the mission field. So that is what we have done. So, we have ended up with many missionary friends but no children!! It is interesting to see how God works---me no children and you with another one at 44. Wishing you many hugs, blessings and sending many prayers your way!!!

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              • #8
                I agree with the above posts, especially the one posted by Accepted, who is extremely wise in her remarks. Celebrate this precious little life created by God as a special gift to your family, straight from His hand. Indeed, how very blessed you are!
                sigpic
                -Lynn

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                • #9

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by angelka71 View Post
                    They were shocked and my 13 year old is taking it especially hard. She says she wants to change schools bc she is so embarrassed bc of my age and doesn't want another baby anyway.
                    Try not to feed into her embarrassment by asking questions about it. Sister, she will get over it.
                    When my sister was getting ready to start her freshman year of HS, she was mortified that people at school would know Mom was still having sex and got pregnant with me. She avoided any talk about the pregnancy or birth and was angry with my mom.
                    Until one day when I was still a newborn she was babysitting me and she made me laugh and smile. She was smitten and from then on I was very very precious to her and she treated me like I was 'her' baby.



                    Just to add, and this is not meant to be hurtful in any way, only a perspective - there are many women who didn't even meet a godly husband until their mid-late-30's and would love to be able to have kids through their 40's.
                    I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
                    For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor;
                    no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

                    Psalm 84:10-11

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                    • #11
                      I'm sneakin' in on this one too.
                      IMO, you have no idea how blessed you are! Last year, my wife (43) and I (38) had our 3rd. We decided that we weren't going to have any more after this. Doc asked her three times if she was "sure" before he snipped her.
                      We regret it to be honest now.
                      Besides Jesus, my children have been my biggest blessing ever! I'm so happy for you! Trust in God and treasure this beautiful gift from God!
                      John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

                      John 11:25 Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die.

                      Romans 10:9 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

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                      • #12
                        Can Relate!

                        Originally posted by angelka71 View Post
                        Just last month, during a 10 hour drive for our Spring Break vacation with our kids, I read almost the entire menopause thread on this board. I recognized so many of the symptoms and figured I was probably at least in peri-menopause. Not that my husband and I had planned on having anymore children, but the thought that my child bearing years are over made me kind of sad, which I'm guessing, is probably a normal feeling. I have 4 daughters, ages 24, 14, 13 and 6.

                        Don't normally keep up with my periods, but I was on my period during that long drive and since we have been home about 5 weeks, figured I should have started by now, so I decided to take a pregnancy test on Monday. I was shocked that it was positive. There were 2 in the box so I took the other one, which was also positive. I asked my 24 year old daughter to buy me another one...she brought home a digital test that says "pregnant" or "not pregnant." It said "pregnant." I took another one yesterday, also positive, and yet another this morning...all positive. I am 44.

                        I called my OB and asked if there is anything that can cause a false positive pregnancy test and they said there is nothing and made an appointment for me in about a month.

                        I know this will sound horrible but I am absolutely mortified. How could this happen? I have known women attempting to get pregnant in their 40s who have been told the odds of a natural pregnancy are 1-5%...making the odds of NOT getting pregnant 95-99%. I just feel that I am far too old and will look like a freak! I can only imagine what people will say if I really am pregnant. Also, I had health issues with my last pregnancy when I was 37, (pregnancy induced high blood pressure) what will that be like now? And what about a baby even being healthy? I feel angry at my husband (which I shouldn't be, he is feeling confused also) and I just want to hide in my house and feel the need to apologize for this, But I don't know who I should apologize to.

                        I know all things come from God, but I don't even know what to say to Him...I almost feel as if I should apologize to Him too, apologize for feeling sad for not being able to have anymore children, or that I really wasn't planning on having anymore, or apologize for feeling so fearful and confused now.

                        We decided to tell our older girls what was going on, that we weren't even certain that I am really pregnant and that we aren't even certain if the pregnancy will hold. They were shocked and my 13 year old is taking it especially hard. She says she wants to change schools bc she is so embarrassed bc of my age and doesn't want another baby anyway.

                        I know I sound so awful and negative but I just really needed to confess all of this to someone who will hopefully not judge me too harshly. I am just so freaked out and so confused.

                        Thank you so much for listening.
                        As my moniker implies I'm a mom of five. Short(er) version of the story: mine are all spread out in ages - 23, 19, 13, 9 and 6. (Two years ago, for one year only, I had one in each school - college, high school, middle school, elementary, and preschool.) I had number five, with the apt middle name of Grace, at 43 yo. There were some issues at her birth that were completely unrelated to age or me being a "multi-para", but all turned out fine. In fact, I'd have to say she might be the most intelligent of my kids though they are all bright bulbs . The oldest was not overly crazy about his very pregnant mom showing up at his high school volley ball games at first. Then he got some perspective. "Hey mom, a lot of parents don't bother to show up at all; thanks for coming". Don't have a guilt-trip or deny your feelings or your family's though. Take it to God and know He's got this and it will all work out. And a first trimester nap always helps perspective too
                        God Bless You! Welcome to the Fab 5 Club!
                        Toots

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                        • #13
                          I was thinking about this the other day.

                          Buy some prenatal vitamins, take them, and make sure you avoid ALL alcohol as it is very damaging to baby's brain during pregnancy (I would know, I have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome).

                          " I have had an increasing burden to engage in some down and dirty, street evangelism." March 6, 2010

                          Isaiah 6:8 I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “ Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?”

                          Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

                          Matthew 22:9 NIV
                          'So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’


                          I'm praying for you daily!
                          I get my Bibles here

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by angelka71 View Post
                            I am 44.

                            I know this will sound horrible but I am absolutely mortified. How could this happen? I have known women attempting to get pregnant in their 40s who have been told the odds of a natural pregnancy are 1-5%...making the odds of NOT getting pregnant 95-99%. I just feel that I am far too old and will look like a freak! I can only imagine what people will say if I really am pregnant.
                            Angelka. It's absolutely normal to feel mortified. There is shock, denial, anger in any 'loss' before acceptance and resolution. Your loss is not having things pan out the way you had envisaged. But, as the song goes, we have a "good good Father" who knows our needs. He has a plan. How exciting. Start praying for your little one. The feelings will come. Your 13 yo, being a tween will also be feeling loss, being less attention for her. Bring her into the caring process of the little one, and she'll most likely bloom into adulthood.

                            As for feeling too old... I'm the baby of five. I was born when my mum was 44. Growing up my parents age was never an issue. They were who they were, and I loved them for that. I'm glad they had me!

                            And one word for your shocked husband.. Vasectomy!

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                            • #15
                              Sincere apologies for posting above. I didn't realise this was a ladies only subforum!
                              Mods, feel free to delete.

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