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Stupid but seized with irrational fear I won't be loved in this life... and in heaven

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  • Stupid but seized with irrational fear I won't be loved in this life... and in heaven

    This is so very embarrassing to admit but I want to get it out there and basically off my chest, hopefully receive some advice. Sorry for the rambling. I guess I'm really depressed right now.

    I've always been socially awkward (kind of anti-social), a wallflower, never popular and never had many friends, girls or boys. I have about two really good friends and consider myself lucky to have them.

    I'm 32 and I've never had a boyfriend. To be honest, I've never really wanted one until I hit 30 and everyone around me started going crazy worrying that I would die an old maid. Guys have mostly ignored me up to now, with the exception of elementary and middle school, when they bullied me very badly (throwing things at me, spitting on me, vandalizing my things, hitting me). I think this is why I'm still, to some extent, afraid of men and I really clam up when I'm around them.

    My younger sister is very pretty and she's always had guys tripping over themselves trying to date her. She got married about three months ago. A guy saw my sister's picture and told me it's no wonder she's getting married at such a young age while I can't even get someone to like me since God can only do so much for unattractive girls like me. Once, someone said I was Leah while my sister was Rachel and if my dad didn't scam a man to marry me, I'd never get married.

    Anyway, I'm moving back to the US in a few days and a male colleague of mine told me it's just as well I was moving, maybe I'd have a better chance at finding someone since he thinks no man in Korea would want me because I'm not girly and feminine enough (in addition to dressing pretty and wearing makeup, he means having a more of a "geisha-like" attitude). He said this as if were a fact - like the entire male population of the country had agreed unanimously - and hearing that really hurt. I feel so ugly now.

    I've been praying to God for a Godly husband ever since I was in high school and at times I'm frustrated, but I'm not really worried, if that makes any sense. I've given it all to God for Him to take care of. But ever since my sister's wedding and my colleague's comments I'm beginning to wonder if this is an area that God doesn't really control... as in free will. If God isn't going to force anyone to love Him, similarly, He's not going to make a guy be attracted to me and fall in love with me. Which means I'm doomed.

    Or is it possible to pray to God for a husband who'll cherish me and have married me because he actually loves me and not just because he's getting old and his family is pressing him to get married to the next decent girl who comes along? I don't know anymore.

    And also... if I don't get to have a husband, so be it. It's fine (not completely, but the thought isn't unbearable). I'm longing for the rapture and I don't really have my heart set on earthly pleasures. But I'm suddenly very fearful that once I get to heaven, it'll be the same way... that while I have God's unending love, which is technically all I need, I'll still be a pariah among the other people. They'll be one loving, happy family, and I'll still be the awkward, weird girl. And this time, it'll really be for all eternity.

    Sorry for the long post.

    God bless you all.

  • #2
    Sister this breaks my heart! God cares about His children and and loves you unconditionally! Continue to seek God....my friend had similar anxieties at 32 and got married when he turned 33. God knows what's good for us and when. Continue to trust Him. Praying for you!

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    • #3
      You don't marry a pretty face, you marry a person.
      Looks fade away and then what is left?
      Could be your mate is here in the U.S. and you just haven't met him.
      If a man talks to you, don't clam up.
      The dogs are barking, someone is knocking on the door...

      Please pray for Lindsey's salvation

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      • #4
        What's stupid are the comments of the insensitive fools of this world, not the things in your heart. I agree with jonshaff sister. It's all about God's timing in your life. He is well aware of the desires of your heart but sometimes what we want and what He's doing in our lives are total opposites. That doesn't mean it's not in the plans. He delights in seeing us wait patiently on Him which is very, very hard at times but oh so worth it. Don't stop believing or praying. If it doesn't happen in this life for whatever reason God has chosen, the love you will have in heaven will be overwhelming. We get Jesus, face to face for all eternity not to mention the amazing things that He has prepared for us that will blow our minds, I'm sure. Stay in the Word and enjoy His peace right now as you dwell on the pure love that will be yours someday soon.
        Lord, heal me, and I will truly be healed. Save me, and I will truly be saved. You are the one I praise. Jeremiah 17:14

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        • #5
          lostseeking, the best 'husband' anyone ever has is the Lord Jesus Himself. You might enjoy viewing this web site: www.reviveourhearts.com
          The woman who has the broadcast and does the teaching is a woman, Nancy Leigh De Moss, in her fiftie's who never married (not saying this will be your case), but she does teach to women about women's spiritual, emotional, relational issues, and I think you'd be blessed by her ministry. The comment you made in your post about not feeling loved is more common than you would think. As you get older, you'll come to see that 'lots' of people, especially women have difficulty with this concept of feeling loved by God.

          The greatest contributing factor to this sense of unworthiness is life experiences as you describe and also people who have held authority over them in life (such as parents, older siblings, teachers, husbands, etc.) We live in a fallen world, among fallen people. We aren't supposed to look at these fallen creatures around us and decide that must be what God is like.
          He isn't. He reveals Himself in His Word, and all of us get to know Him by reading Scripture. Rom. 10:17 'Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.' If we saturate ourselves with His Word on a 'daily' basis, some of the scales and scars in our lives begin to fall away, and we see ourselves in light of Who He is.

          The psalmist David cried out to God when he was in despair, fully expecting that God loved him enough to hear his cries and to respond to him. We can expect God to hear us as well and to respond to our cries of desperation. It's the same God, and He didn't love David more than He loves each one of us. He just called him to a different ministry (King of Israel).
          When we were knit together in our mothers' wombs, God gave each of us unique genetic make-up, unlike anyone else in the entire world. Even identical (monozygotic) twins have fingerprints that differ from one another. This is a beautiful demonstration of how God views each one of us. We are unique and precious to Him. He took the form of man and came to earth to die a cruel torturous death for 'my' sins and 'your' sins, so that we could be spared the logical outcome of our sinful lives (eternity in hell, with no opportunity to fellowship with Him).

          lostseeking, to sum up my counsel to you, read your Bible every single day in a systematic, orderly way. Dr. J. Vernon McGee has a radio broadcast that would be good support for your reading, but don't just listen to Christian radio and think you're getting enough Bible. You're not. This an extra. Dr. McGee, though deceased now for many years, has a program called Through the Bible and a daily study (can be ordered on flashdrive) goes through the Bible in five years. Dr. McGee used to say, 'come aboard the Bible bus,' then proceed with his verse-by-verse teaching of God's Word.
          Secondly, visit the web site of Nancy Leigh De Moss.
          In a few weeks or months, whenever you feel inclined, please post again and tell us how you're doing, as we are family here and we do care.
          sigpic
          -Lynn

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          • #6
            Whoops...just noticed I am in the lady's discussion. I apologize!! I just wanted to let you know I'm praying that God gives you the desires of your heart

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            • #7
              Originally posted by jonshaff View Post
              Whoops...just noticed I am in the lady's discussion. I apologize!! I just wanted to let you know I'm praying that God gives you the desires of your heart
              Jon, no one is going to fault you for coming into the Lady's forum with a desire to pray for one of the members who has humbly posted a spiritual need. All of us need our brothers (and sisters) to pray for us.
              sigpic
              -Lynn

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Lynn View Post
                Jon, no one is going to fault you for coming into the Lady's forum with a desire to pray for one of the members who has humbly posted a spiritual need. All of us need our brothers (and sisters) to pray for us.
                thank you

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                • #9
                  There will be no sin in heaven. That means no bad attitudes, bulling, weirdness ect. You will be radiant in your glistening white gown, which represents the righteous acts of all believers, not just your own. No wallflowers, no pain, no sorrow, nothing bad, negative, nasty, or any such thing.

                  We are like seeds planted in a garden, from the out side of the seed coat you have no idea what the resulting flower will be. Remember the old adage from a tiny acorn the mighty oak grows? God told us that we can not imagine what heaven is like, but we have fun and encourage each other trying.

                  Go to the Psalm 45 and read what the Queen looks like. God loves you more than you can imagine. In heaven He will love each of us intensely and equally. If Satan is telling you that you aren't and won't be loved here or there, he is lying and he knows it, but if he can use that ruse to keep you miserable he will. Sometimes we have to let our head rule our heart. You now that God loves you, tell Satan to take a hike, and ignore your feelings, they can be deceiving for you. When life comes at us a little quickly, we have to lean on the truth found in Gods word no matter how things look to us. Pray on your spiritual armor, found in Ephesians 6 and then....

                  Snarl at Satan and use the second half of 1 John 4:4, "Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world," Then follow it with "In the name of the LORD Jesus Christ, the LORD of Glory, Evil one I command you to be gone!!" You'll be stunned at how fast this works. You have done exactly what the Bible tells us to do, resist the devil and he will flee, he has no choice when you bring all the power of the Godhead down on his miserable pate.

                  By the way, I am 68 years old and you described how i saw myself when I was your age. I know from personal experience that this works. It works for me and it will work for you. I have been delivered, and so will you.
                  sigpic
                  I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. John 14:18

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                  • #10
                    Being loved

                    I spent my entire youth listening to my mother tell me how no one would ever love me if i was fat. I was often told if i lost weight i would find a brand new wardrobe in my room, and her friends would tell me what a pretty face i had, but that was where the compliments ended. I too was very introverted, afraid to be myself, express myself, made fun of in school due to my weight-never dated during my school years, always on the outside looking in...at the age of 34 i gave up. i prayed that God would find me the mate He wanted for me...and i learned i had to love myself first, before anyone could really, truely love me. I had to allow Gods light to shine thru me, put Him first in my life and my thoughts and actions. Low and behold there came a younger man, totally NOT what i had been looking for or ever expected, but God knows what we need and when we need it. We both had some more growing to do, and God helped us both thru some difficult times both in our lives and our marriage, and i am sure there are more to come, but now i know what being cherished really feels like....and i am praying you too will find the joy and keep the hope.

                    11 For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for well-being and not for trouble, to give you a future and a hope.
                    Jeremiah 29:11
                    New Life Version (NLV)

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                    • #11
                      Proverbs 31:30
                      Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.



                      Sometimes it takes a while for a guy to realize the hollow diva they were chasing after was not worth the time.

                      Strive to be what Christ wants you to be. That beauty will shine forth and attract the right person.
                      And don't settle for a body count. Look for a companion in the Faith. Pray together, seek Christ together.


                      And there is nothing in this life that wont be taken care of in the next. Trust the Lord each day. One day at a time.

                      A companion from You Lord is indeed a treasure. Praying for lostseeking.
                      It's ALL about Jesus. The Son of God - Emanuel - The Mighty God - Our Salvation.

                      John 1:1-3 NKJV --- Luke 22:42 NKJV --Romans 3:23 NKJV, Rom 5:8 NKJV, Rom 8:28 NKJV, Rom 8:31 NKJV, Rom8:38-39 NKJV, ---Titus 1:2 NKJV - Heb 6:18 NKJV --- John 14:6 NKJV --- 1 John 5:13 NKJV --- Acts 16:29-31 NKJV ... John 6:28-29 NKJV... 1John 2:22 NKJV... Heb 10:11-13 NKJV

                      “Oh Look,... an Atheist........I Don't believe it....”
                      sigpic

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                      • #12
                        Thank you everyone for your wisdom. I was feeling down for awhile.
                        I know God will take care of my every needs and I'm never alone as long as He's with me. And He will never leave me. I will pray to Him whenever thoughts of being unworthy and useless hit me again.

                        Thanks again and God bless.

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                        • #13
                          Awww...I wish you were moving close to where I live -- you sound like a wonderful person and I would to be friends! Any chance you are moving to Ohio?? And, do not give up, my friend is actually getting married tomorrow -- it is her FIRST marriage and she is 46! God will give you the desires of your heart
                          Therefore be ye also ready; for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh. Matt. 24:44

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                          • #14
                            My husband was 37 and had given up on ever finding someone to love.

                            He asked God for a loyal, loving, intelligent woman of faith, then turned it over to God and resolved to be happy on his own.

                            I was only 17 when I asked God to send me a saved, sensible, sane man - someone who would value me, cherish me, and love me until death and beyond. Then I turned it over to God and resolved to be happy on my own.

                            We met a couple months later, just weeks after I nearly attempted suicide due to yet another horrendous depression.

                            I think the important line in our story: we'd given it up to God, surrendered ourselves to His will. The right man may not be ready yet.

                            It amazes me to think how close I came to suicide, how God delivered me, and how loved I was just a few months later. Still am.

                            " I have had an increasing burden to engage in some down and dirty, street evangelism." March 6, 2010

                            Isaiah 6:8 I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “ Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?”

                            Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

                            Matthew 22:9 NIV
                            'So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’


                            I'm praying for you daily!
                            I get my Bibles here

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by jonshaff View Post
                              Whoops...just noticed I am in the lady's discussion. I apologize!! I just wanted to let you know I'm praying that God gives you the desires of your heart

                              LOL..stop peeking at our posts jonstaff!!!! LOVE ya!!!

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