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At My Wits End With My Mother in Law

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  • At My Wits End With My Mother in Law

    I am literally crying (partially because Tony is dying...see prayer thread) and having a panic attack. Panic attack due to fact that I am having dinner at my sister's house in 2 hours and my MIL will be there...

    MIL is very malignant and always on the attack. Tony who is dying says MIL is a very angry woman. I have bent over backwards to be kind to this woman and include her in all sorts of family activities. MIL told other son that after 20 years of his marriage to Shauna that she and Ralph still did not love Shauna because Shauna had not earned their love yet. I was also told that I could not be friends with MIL sister as I was not family as I was not a blood relative. Significant issues here...

    In the last week MIL has attacked (my husband's words!!!) us over our use of a chiropractor, my business that I started last November, a prayer request about Tony (she accused me of lacking integrity and being shameful...terrible miscommunication with doctor's at doctor discharged Tony to my house for hospice care and I was told she would arrive that night...well other doctor had a fit and cancelled discharge...well MIL had asked prayer request about Tony dying at my house...and when she did not even arrive at my house...well I was the one lacking in integrity and was shameful). Yesterday MIL accusing me and Kevin of all sorts of things..and all this culminated with my husband shouting at his mother over the phone this morning....and my husband is not a man who shouts...

    The whole picture is complicated by the fact that my FIL has vascular dementia....and while he was milktoast for all his marriage to MIL...last 3 years he lets her have it when she attacks him...which she then accuses him of bullying her. MIL also in bad pain from knee and neck problems and we have detected memory issues in MIL not sure she is aware of...She also told my husband 2 months ago that she just wanted to die and she did not know what she was going to do...she does not like dealing with her husband anymore as he bites back...

    I have received two nasty e-mails from her last night...I have always just ignored her outbursts and this is what my husband usually does...he is very non confrontational...this is how he survived childhood.

    If it were up to me I would cut off all contact with this woman but I cannot do that.

    So, question is do I just suck it up and let her behaviour continue to slide or do I confront her on her unacceptable behaviour?

    Oh, she says she is a Christian and she goes to our church and Sunday School class...

  • #2
    My heart goes out to you......... I was blessed with two wonderful mothers-in-law. We got along great and they were good people. One saved, and one not, but very kind, loving women. I know your pain though, because of a daughter-in-law who is a real terror. I won't go into it, but I do feel your pain. Will keep you in my prayers.........


    • #3
      I'm really sorry you have to deal with this, Sunshine! It sounds so difficult. My suggestion would be to read that book called "Boundaries," if you haven't yet, and to read it along with your husband. Will pray for you right now!


      • #4


        • #5
          Tall Timbers, Imperfect but forgiven

          3 trees


          • #6
            Neither will their silver nor their gold will be able to save them on the day of the Lord's wrath. In the fire of His jealousy the whole world will be consumed, for He will make a sudden end of all who live in the earth. Zephaniah 1:18


            • #7
              Praying for your situation.
              Please pray for my unsaved loved-ones. Time is short.


              • #8
                Sunshine, I'm not a 'fountain of wisdom' here, but whenever I have a situation that is super difficult to decide how to deal with, I look at God's Word for direction on how to proceed. Obviously, this woman is not a MIL like Naomi in the book of Ruth, so we may not find our answer there. We do know that God told us in the 10 commandments to honor our father and mother. This is difficult to obey, if someone is as evil (yes, let's call it what it is,) acting as this woman is demonstrating, in spite of the confession she makes with her lips. However, God's Word doesn't document exception clauses. Generally speaking, over the years, I have sought to place some distance between myself and the relationally difficult person. Obviously, you may not want to pack up & move away, but you might consider attending a different Sunday School class, if that's a possibility.
                Also, if you begin to reach out to her in sincere expressions of love, she might surprise you. Have you maybe thought about making her a little gift, or treating her to lunch? It's often easier to feel genuine love & tenderness toward someone when we pray for them and put action into those prayers by behaving in a gentle loving way toward them. But, this is easier to do if you have given yourself permission to create a bit of distance from them as well. All of us can probably relate in some way, so perhaps others will have suggestions, too.


                • #9
                  Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. Psalm 84:10


                  • #10
                    I've been praying for you, and hope things have settled down a bit with your MIL .


                    • #11