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    Hello y’all!

    I need some help here. I have been struggling recently with the feeling of not being a good wife. My husband has told me more then once here recently that I’m not submitting to his authority and that basically it’s shameful. Tonight we brought home chicken to eat. I fixed my little boy a plate and decided to take the time to unload and load dishwasher. He said come one let’s eat and I said just a minute let me do the dishes I’m not really that hungry. He flies off the handle and says he isn’t eating either. Then my son wouldn’t eat so I was trying to convince my toddler to eat. So my husband walks through and makes a comment to the effect that it’s not fun when someone doesn’t do what you tell them is it. We got into an argument and he told me that I wasn’t submitting to him cause i wanted to do the dishes. Please help me am I wrong. I need help!

  • #2
    I'm thinking it's not so much about being right or wrong, but some marital discord that has its roots in who knows what. There's probably a book worth of information behind the short paragraph posted that would provide hints as to how a couple reached the place they have. Both need to immerse themselves in the Word of God and in prayer and endeavor to be the best husband/wife in Christ they can be, regardless of the treatment received from the other. Satan loves to sow discord in our marriages and on top of that we tend to muck things up ourselves pretty good sometimes... so our marriages require constant vigilance to ensure we don't allow the enemy a foothold. Praying

    As for me, I think if we brought home some chicken I'd probably want to get right to it... I bring home fried chicken and potato wedges sometimes and put both in the oven for a short time so get them both nice and crispy. In my home, if I waited for my wife to prepare and set dinner on the table, I'd have starved by now. Thus I do the cooking and then I do the dishes and then I clean the house and I bring home the bacon. I was the diaper changer, the girl scout leader, the cub scout leader, the coach... and on and on... we've just got to take what we're given, do what we've got to do to take care of those around us, and rejoice as God blesses us along the way. Thankfully, our time here is ever so short, and eternity is going to be absolutely wonderful!
    Tall Timbers, Imperfect but forgiven

    3 trees

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    • #3
      If it wasn't chicken I wonder what it would have been? The idea of submitting to the authority of a Christian husband doesn't have anything to do with things like this. There are lots of freedoms and independence in Christ for a wife within the marriage even though there certainly are a lot of things where submission is needed; but the same can be said of the husband even though his first submission is under Christ (who would never treat him like that). I agree with Tall Timbers about deeper roots that need some discussion and perhaps some counseling and special attention from the outside too. I also think Godly leadership from your pastor on just the specific area of "submission" with proper understand and alignment on what it entails and when it applies would be of great value to you both.

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      • #4
        Your husband sounds like he may have Been influenced by patriarchal views. Be very careful as there is a lot of dangerous teaching out there being promoted in the patriarchy camp. If your pastor has a patriarchal view then he will likely support your husband for no other reason than ‘he is the husband and you must submit to him period’.

        If you do a search on the internet on patriarchy you may recognise some things. Also check out narcissistic abuse.
        Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is knowing the difference between right and almost right. - Charles H. Spurgeon

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Anddra View Post
          Your husband sounds like he may have Been influenced by patriarchal views. Be very careful as there is a lot of dangerous teaching out there being promoted in the patriarchy camp. If your pastor has a patriarchal view then he will likely support your husband for no other reason than ‘he is the husband and you must submit to him period’.

          If you do a search on the internet on patriarchy you may recognise some things. Also check out narcissistic abuse.
          Anddra, you give a very important warning. If the pastor is teaching these views, he is not trustworthy. The patriarchist groups take verses about the husband being the head of the wife and distort them to mean the wife is the servant of the husband's ego. They do not teach the responsibility of the husband to love as Christ loves.

          OP, there is a book I would recommend called "Love and Respect," by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. If your husband would agree to go through the book together, it may be a help to you. Praying for you!

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          • #6
            First of all, I want you to know that I am on your side. And, I agree with everyone here, that the wife is to be submissive to her husband, as HE is submissive to Christ. God did not intend husbands to be bullies...........

            But on another note, and I write this because we hear so much about it in these days we are living in............... It is so important for families to make time to sit down together for meals, and have family conversations, and make each other feel valued and important. Part of the reason children are growing up to become angry, remote young people..........some who even end up taking guns to school and committing terrible acts............is because the parents won't make their children and mealtimes - a time for learning about them, and teaching them, and sharing our moral values and our personal beliefs with them - and sit down to dinner with them. The dishes would have been there after the meal.........and, if you weren't hungry, you could have sat down and had a glass of water or ice tea or something. I'm not saying this to be critical...........just giving you another lens to see things from.

            I hope you and your husband will find some responsible counseling, and be able to work through the difficulties you are having.......so peace, joy and love can be restored to your home. i will keep you all in my prayers.

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            • #7
              Such great responses! I think the book that Accepted recommended would be very helpful. I also believe communication is key. Especially if you both work hard to keep your cool and voices from getting raised.

              Tall Timbers, I would say that you're a gem of a husband and father. I do hope that your wife and children appreciate all that you do!

              I agree with Kathy about the importance of sitting around the table at dinner time. Our lives can get so hectic and busy and that 30 minutes with our loved ones can be just what we need to recharge our batteries and theirs. To find out what's going on with school, friends, jobs etc.

              I pray for peace in your household and open communication between you and your husband. That you'd both grow in the Lord daily and glorify Him in your relationship. Take care!

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              • #8
                I have nothing extra to contribute to the discussion besides prayer. In a world gone crazy, peace in the home is such a blessing.

                Diane
                Diane
                Psalm 108:1 - my heart is determined.

                #T h e C o m i n g C h r i s t M o v i e

                #S c r i p t u r e S e e d s


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