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Feeling so discouraged...

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  • Feeling so discouraged...

    We started out last year homeschooling our 5yo, after thinking we'd never do this but then researching and realizing it was right for us. We've started her in Kindergarten this year and her younger sister on Pre-K (also have a 1yo) and all is going well! It's easy, the kids love it, and I enjoy this time with them.

    The problem is that our families are VERY negative about our choice to homeschool. When we first announced, a couple years ago, that we planned to homeschool, we received the following responses, ALL from FAMILY:

    "Oh god!"
    "I'm NOT impressed!"
    "When you decide that homeschool doesn't work, don't feel too proud to send them to a REAL school."
    and, my personal favorite,
    "How can you put your children THROUGH that?!"

    Suffice it to say, our family has not been very supportive.


    A year or two later, we're doing what we love and don't hear much from family. This is both good and bad. We don't get much criticism, but also family shows little interest in our homeschooled children.

    There are a couple family members, however, who've taken it upon themselves to "worry" about our homeschooled children. It feels like a jab every time. "I just hope they are [I]getting[I] an education..." or "When you're my age you'll understand the concern" or "I worry you'll go crazy" or "You say you homeschool but she can't do algebra yet so..."

    It's been SO NEGATIVE. And not just from society, from our own FAMILY we have gotten the WORST level of support. It makes me not want to discuss homeschool with ANY one. Do they not realize this alienates me? It's also just VERY. VERY. VERY. HURTFUL. TO feel like no one has your back. No one cares enough to research. No one cares about our sensitivities or insecurities about homeschool. They all just judge!

    Meanwhile, I could REALLY USE support. A kind word. A helping hand.

    It's all left me feeling VERY ALONE and VERY JUDGED. Also, resentful of most of our family.

    Meanwhile, we continue to homeschool our kids and they LOVE it and are shining. It's just...we don't have the cute projects to bring home and show off or the school Christmas pageants to invite grandparents to.

    It feels like they just don't think we're giving our kids 'real school'. Meanwhile, my husband and I researched and decided that this was best for our family and feel strongly that way. I'm just SO DISCOURAGED.
    And feeling like a loser. Because no one in my family believes I can do this.

  • #2
    Don't be discouraged, my wife and I are going through the same thing. It is our first year and she is homeschooling our 7 and 6 year old. We also have a 1 year old.

    If God has put this in your heart to do, just trust Him and use this as a way to glorify Him. I would recommend joining a home school group for support and activities.

    Just remember the reasons why you decided to home school in the first place and prayerfully consider your convictions. Cast your cares upon Jesus, He cares for you.

    Comment


    • #3
      Don't ever forget that your brothers and sisters in Christ are just as much as family as blood. Literally. Your kids have millions of aunts and uncles all cheering them on, and cheering you on. The more I read about public school, the more I weep.

      Thanks to sweeetlilgurlie on Narniaweb for the sig

      Comment


      • #4
        We also heard the same comments when we were just thinking about pulling our two out of brick and mortar. It takes time, but those around you will start to see the difference in your children regarding what they learn at home. It took 5 years for my own mother to admit that keeping them home was better than sending them off on the school bus every day. One of my closest friends who was a government school teacher, quit her job and is now homeschooling her three young ones. I've talked to some other teacher friends and they are just trying to stick it out until they can retire.

        Hang in there. Your kids will be much better off in my opinion. They and others won't realize it for a long time to come, though.

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        • #5
          I'm supportive of your homeschooling efforts, gooseberry. In my neck of the woods it is well known that the local kids who get home schooled also tend to get a very superior education. There are a lot of wonderful educators in both public and private schools, but the system along with the world itself is making it increasingly difficult for anyone but the most self-driven to get an education outside of home schooling nowadays.
          Tall Timbers, Imperfect but forgiven

          3 trees

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          • #6
            Please don't give up! They will learn and grow and shine! I worked as a TA for almost 15 years in the public school system. My 2 kids attended the school I worked in. After about a dozen years, I now have grandchildren entering that age. My daughter decided to homeschool and I FULLY agree. She is teaching the 6 year old and the almost 2 year old is cheerfully playing nearby during lessons.

            One thing which has really helped her is joining a Christian Homeschool group. Here in NY it's called L.E.A.H. They are great and plan trips and parent meetings (none of it is mandatory). They recently went to Syracuse to see the Nutcracker and have gone to the sci-tech center, a picnic/play day, Almonzo Wilder's farm (some families are reading the "Little House" books), and apple picking and seeing how cider is made. All ages attend the trips together and they private car to meet there. It works so well.

            Depending on where you live, there are Christian groups available to support, answer questions and just meet for fun and learning!

            Prayers for your family to become supportive and maybe even join in.

            P.S. My grandson just asked if a jellyfish is a creature or a plant like seaweed. Now tell me he's not getting a good education....
            Please pray for my unsaved loved-ones. Time is short.

            Comment


            • #7
              Thank you all for the encouraging responses. I do refuse to give up, I just hate how bitter I've become about what I started out so excited to do with my kids! I feel like my family has just really tainted the experience, and all due to their utter ignorance rather than desire to learn.

              I definitely will benefit from joining a homeschool co-op, and I've done a few searches. Nothing great has turned up, but I'll keep asking around my neck of the woods. Praying the Lord sends me the right families to connect with.

              Again, thank you all for the encouragement. It's good to know I'm not alone!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Kliska View Post
                Don't ever forget that your brothers and sisters in Christ are just as much as family as blood. Literally. Your kids have millions of aunts and uncles all cheering them on, and cheering you on. The more I read about public school, the more I weep.
                Right? That's what I try and remind my family of. They agree but there's always that "but"...

                And thank you for the reminder that I have more family than just my negative family

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by deerekid View Post
                  We also heard the same comments when we were just thinking about pulling our two out of brick and mortar. It takes time, but those around you will start to see the difference in your children regarding what they learn at home. It took 5 years for my own mother to admit that keeping them home was better than sending them off on the school bus every day. One of my closest friends who was a government school teacher, quit her job and is now homeschooling her three young ones. I've talked to some other teacher friends and they are just trying to stick it out until they can retire.

                  Hang in there. Your kids will be much better off in my opinion. They and others won't realize it for a long time to come, though.
                  Thank you! This was also very encouraging.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi gooseberry! Congratulations for following the path the Lord set you on and doing His will for your family! I understand this is a big step of faith for you, and the rewards will be wonderful for you and your children, since you are doing what the Lord called you to do.

                    I have been homeschooling my own children since my oldest was in preschool and now have been homeschooling for 6 years. Some of my family was less than excited about us homeschooling in the beginning. For instance, I knew my Dad was not pleased at all (but he never said a word). However, over the years, he has seen the growth in my children, and my mother has told me several times that he has commented to her that he has "no problem" with me homeschooling, even though he has never told me that. This may not sound like a compliment, but if you knew my Dad, it is !

                    So, even though your family is not supportive at all now, they may come around in the end. It took several years for some of the other members of our family to finally say something positive about our homeschool. Just keep praying!

                    Also, you had mentioned a homeschool support group. These are wonderful! If you can't find one, maybe you could start one! The lady who started our homeschool group actually started it about 28 years ago by having co-op one day per month with just one other family. She said back then that was the only other family she knew of, and she had to drive for an hour and a half to get together with them. It was something those two families started that has blessed hundreds of families since then, mine included!

                    Just some ideas and thoughts! I will be praying!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hey Gooseberry!

                      I am a (substitute) teacher and I can tell when we have Home Schooled children added into the classroom. They are more respectful, mature and knowledgeable of the subject matter. The HS children do the work given quickly and thoroughly. What you are doing is definitely commendable! Try to not let their media inspired HS phobia discourage you. If I had children, I would definitely home school!
                      "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hi gooseberry!

                        17 - 10 years ago...
                        My mother thought my kids would fall behind. Or that we would teach our kids only 'backward' Christian stuff (my Mom is not a believer).

                        My father was 3000 miles away, and wasn't very involved. He was not encouraging however.

                        My mother-in-law considered my kids the unbehaved ones and would never babysit for them, although she did for her other grandkids.

                        Today ...
                        My mother tells me my kids are the nicest, politest and smartest grandchildren. My older brother's kids give her the sullen teen silent treatment when she visits.

                        My father, a professor, says my kids are the nicest of the grandkids and the most accomplished. He is proud that my eldest just graduated college with a degree in physics, with honors; that my daughter is doing well studying performing arts (although he wants her to get a 4-year degree, which she does not need); and that my youngest who is about to graduate high school is doing super well. They all did well on their SATs and ACTs.

                        My mother-in-law has had to admit that my kids are doing well, unlike certain of the cousins.

                        All this to say, keep working at it, PRAY, and have hope that one day they will see the results and come around. And in the meantime, find some other homeschooling moms to co-op with or just to share curriculum ideas and prayers with.

                        Two of my best homeschooling verses:
                        2 Corinthians 3:5. ... Our adequacy is from God.
                        James 5:16. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.
                        [And I always remind myself that the blood of Jesus makes me righteous.]

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hey there! Our oldest is only 2 1/2 and youngest is 7 month and my wife and I plan to home school. While they are too young to officially start, my wife started to tell some family and non-believing friends and we got nothing but mocking and comments that sounds derogatory-like. I told my wife maybe it would be best to keep quiet about it and keep it only to ourselves and the church. It is sad to hear people saying those things and they have absolutely no idea what they are getting themselves into.

                          We need to pray for those people!

                          Edit: I should say, keep to ourselves and the church but allow those people that mocks us see the fruits as our children grows. So hang in there!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Been there. I've so been there. Don't lose heart, a godly life is never easy, but the rewards are vast. I wrote an article about it a few months ago, it's on my blog. I'll send you a PM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Homeschooling is tough but full of rewards.....I taught school for years before I was married and didn't believe in homeschooling.......ever heard that old saying, "never say never?"

                              Here I am twenty some years later.....homeschooling is harder than teaching IMHO! I would rather teach thirty students and send them home at three o'clock than have to live with my students and make sure the homework gets done....lol!!!

                              The question I heard many times was, "What about their socialization? Do your kids ever get to be with other kids?" I always thought to myself how the Bible tells parents to teach our children the ways of God as we walk along the way, as we sit at home, and when we lie down and get up," See Duet. 11:19 But I would politely try to tell the critics that my children seemed to be with other kids enough. However, as a new mother I wondered, "Do they know something I don't know? Will my poor child turn out to be a nut???"

                              Now I see homeschooling from the other side.....the kids are grown up! I can compare my product in the marketplace of children...


                              My boys are the most social human beings....when the house is full of their friends I sometimes wonder if they aren't too social...lol!

                              I think one of the beauties I have observed in home-schooled children is how they relate with adults.....they treat adults like they are human beings too!! Then because they have a head start in conversing with adults they naturally are relaxed conversing with people in the real world!

                              Homeschoolers have to be more independent in their learning skills.....they have to pace themselves and get the job done. This translates well into the job market!

                              I really do not want to brag.....but my oldest is a senior at Pensacola Christian College....an RA and has worked as campaign manager for several Republican candidates. He loves the Lord and is not secret about it!

                              My other son will be attending Pensacola and is the sound technician in church. He is so concerned that the church service goes smoothly.....because church is important to him.

                              Again.....I am not bragging.....I just want young mothers to see homeschooling from the other side. Yes, their test scores were great.....grades were great because Mom was there and cared. They were not one of thirty students.....but one of one......no way out.....do your work and do it right....Mom!

                              I must admit....I used the Abeka Video Homeschooling program and loved it! They cover everything from politics to sex to drugs!! Thank you, Abeka...I love you!!

                              And young mothers...."You reap what you sow..." This is not easy.....there are long and I do mean long days.....but God sees and He will bless you and your children for your effort.

                              God bless each one of you.....UntilHeComes

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