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  • Help-I made a fool out of myself with a man

    I really put my foot in my mouth and need some male advice:

    I've been attending singles' dances for a while and dance regularly with a lot of the men. Some have asked me for dates, but I have not gone, because I don't feel that there's anyone suitable for me. After the dance, there's a small group of both sexes that go out to eat.

    Scott has been coming over to hug me tightly when he leaves. The other night when he hugged me, I blurted out, "I love you". It just came out! About 10 people were there, including his Mom, and a girl who I can tell really likes him. She immediately started whispering to another woman.

    Scott looked horrified at what I said! I tried to cover it up by asking whether he was coming to our Halloween party, small talk, etc.

    Well, I did see him at the Halloween party and he would not even look at me. I ignored him too. Also, he refused to go out with us after the dance.

    Please consider the following:
    1-I do feel a strong chemistry with Scott.
    2-The last time we danced, before this happened, he took both my hands and whispered, "Thank you, sweetheart".
    3-His Mom and the other women don't like me.
    4-Bill was there, whon has been telling me for months that he is in love with me and follows me around like a puppy.
    5-Men tell me that I'm beautiful and women tell me that I look like a movie star. I included this last on purpose, because I didn't want to sound conceited.

    Please guys. What should I do? I feel like a fool! Did I scare Scott? Even though I'm attracted to him, I do not love him, because I think he's bad news. BTW, we are all middle-aged, not kids.

  • #2
    I'm not sure how something like that would just come out. You've said here that you don't love him because you think he's bad news. I take that to mean he isn't a man of God, is that correct?

    Apologize to him and tell him the truth. Are you obsessive/compulsive or do you have any other "outside of the bell curve" traits that might have led you to blurt out "I love you"? If you do, tell him so that he'll understand what happened and maybe he won't feel uncomfortable around you. You've likely embarrassed him in public. Be honest with him and then put it behind you.

    And if you really do think he's bad news, maybe those big hugs, should they want to return, should become little hugs.
    Tall Timbers, Imperfect but forgiven

    3 trees

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    • #3
      Sounds like you are at the wrong venue - to find a suitable companion.

      The hugs seem inappropriate, and having someone follow you around like a puppy is wrong. Take some time in prayer and consider how you really feel about these men and make sure your words and actions are truth not emotion.

      Perhaps the ladies here have some sound Godly advice?
      It's ALL about Jesus. The Son of God - Emanuel - The Mighty God - Our Salvation.

      John 1:1-3 NKJV --- Luke 22:42 NKJV --Romans 3:23 NKJV, Rom 5:8 NKJV, Rom 8:28 NKJV, Rom 8:31 NKJV, Rom8:38-39 NKJV, ---Titus 1:2 NKJV - Heb 6:18 NKJV --- John 14:6 NKJV --- 1 John 5:13 NKJV --- Acts 16:29-31 NKJV ... John 6:28-29 NKJV... 1John 2:22 NKJV... Heb 10:11-13 NKJV

      “Oh Look,... an Atheist........I Don't believe it....”
      sigpic

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      • #4
        Thanks, guys. Now I feel worse.

        No, he isn't godly. This is hard to admit, but I think it was a combo of fatigue, nervousness, lust, and loneliness on my part. I'm sure not perfect! He's sort of overbearing at times. I don't dare bring it up with him.

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        • #5
          I agree with the "wrong venue" statement.

          I'm going to hazard a guess about his "looking horrified": after he was out of sight, he had a big smile on his face.

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          • #6
            Jenna,

            I saw the smiley, so I expect you understand where I'm focused. Relationships need to be founded in Christ. He is the source of our ability to selflessly love one another.

            This is where male - female relationship must be rooted - Faith in Jesus Christ. I am assuming the purpose of going to these places is to initiate friendships that hopefully lead to long term committments. I've seen plenty of couples crash and burn, kids tore up, and suffering that just goes on and on by people overlooking or forgetting this critical piece.

            I wish to encourage you to do it God's way, carefully, with committment, with sincerety. I hope you have some mature christian friends that you can go to for counsel - it is very difficult in a sterile computer environment - and having people there is a benefit. I will be praying for you as I'm sure others here will be too.
            It's ALL about Jesus. The Son of God - Emanuel - The Mighty God - Our Salvation.

            John 1:1-3 NKJV --- Luke 22:42 NKJV --Romans 3:23 NKJV, Rom 5:8 NKJV, Rom 8:28 NKJV, Rom 8:31 NKJV, Rom8:38-39 NKJV, ---Titus 1:2 NKJV - Heb 6:18 NKJV --- John 14:6 NKJV --- 1 John 5:13 NKJV --- Acts 16:29-31 NKJV ... John 6:28-29 NKJV... 1John 2:22 NKJV... Heb 10:11-13 NKJV

            “Oh Look,... an Atheist........I Don't believe it....”
            sigpic

            Comment


            • #7
              Thank you, Wally, for the prayers, and thanks to the other two,also.

              I'm probably overreacting to the whole thing, and it will blow over. I have been praying for a Christian man for a while now.

              Never met any potential men at church, but will try again. I'm starting to see the humor in what I did. You should have seen his face!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Wally View Post
                Jenna,

                I saw the smiley, so I expect you understand where I'm focused. Relationships need to be founded in Christ. He is the source of our ability to selflessly love one another.

                This is where male - female relationship must be rooted - Faith in Jesus Christ. I am assuming the purpose of going to these places is to initiate friendships that hopefully lead to long term committments. I've seen plenty of couples crash and burn, kids tore up, and suffering that just goes on and on by people overlooking or forgetting this critical piece.

                I wish to encourage you to do it God's way, carefully, with committment, with sincerety. I hope you have some mature christian friends that you can go to for counsel - it is very difficult in a sterile computer environment - and having people there is a benefit. I will be praying for you as I'm sure others here will be too.
                Awesome and good godly advice! Amen Wally.

                Comment


                • #9
                  (I'm a girl, but the majority of my friends are guys and I read/study a lot about purity; so I thought I'd answer anyways.)

                  It's really hard to say what he was thinking without knowing the guy. It also depends on how well you know him. My guys friends and I hug and say "I love you" to each other all the time- but they know that I only mean it in a brother/sister way. So all that I can tell you is to just remember that if he did get scared away, it means that God has someone even better in mind for you. I know that when you like someone, it's hard to imagine that there could be someone better- but God's plan truly is much better than ours.

                  If you are single and considering dating, I really reccomend the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris. It about consulting God to find out whether or not you are ready and who the right person is. The author also wrote a sequal called "Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship", but I haven't read that one to know if it's as good.

                  Oh, and this is kind of off topic, sorry- I'm excited to finally find a Christian who needs God-based guy advice because I've read so much about it. lol But these are two purity-related songs that help while trying to stay emotionally pure with guys:

                  This one is basically a song that a girl wrote for her future husband.
                  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDNSjdMLims

                  And this one is a reminder that sometimes when we want something, God doesn't give it to us because He has something better in mind.
                  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOXim5ZmSKc

                  I'll be praying for you and your situation. Message me if you ever need to talk.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Dear Jenna

                    This is a disfunctional group with a bad dynamic happening. Some of the signs you noted are a red flag. Give yourself some distance from this. Weigh all of the things you noted in your first post against scriptural behavior and enviroments.

                    Don't get in a hurry! Be at peace in the knowledge that God has a plan for you that is better than yours.

                    Small group Bible studies are often a better place to meet commited people than just "Christian Singles" groups. Committed study group attendees are SHOWING fruit. Christian Singles activities only people are many times just LOOKING for fruit!


                    Jeff

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                    • #11
                      I feel that I've received some useful advice here-been feeling lately that this isn't a good environment for me. The people seem shallow and not happy with themselves.

                      However, I've witnessed to some of them and they know that I am a Christian. Some of them say that they are. Of course, I am smart enough to pay attention to the actions that accompany their words, the women as well as the men.

                      I need to look at myself and see if this is where God needs me to be.

                      Probably not!

                      I hope that I haven't given a bad impression by letting Scott hug me.
                      This was unwise on my part, and also naive because he probably didn't have the best motives.

                      Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that the people seem to have very low self esteem. They don't like themselves, but don't appear concerned with sin. The men put themselves down, while many of the women appear to be bitter towards men.

                      God loves me unconditionally. Therefore, I carry this with me wherever I go. But this is the wrong environment for me.

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                      • #12
                        I'll tell you something completely embarrassing that happened to me this year.

                        There are two small businesses in the same building. We share a hall. The other guy and his wife have been there for 20 years.

                        My husband and I have been on our side for 10. We always chatted a lot.

                        I was confiding annoyances and such in my life, to the guy we'll call Jack. I treated him like a girlfriend.

                        In my own defense, I have congenital brain damage and I have trouble interpreting social situations and understanding boundaries.

                        So, I would say "I wish my husband were more appreciative. All I ever hear is complaining! Would it kill him to say something nice now and then?" I think I secretly hoped Jack would tell him "You need to appreciate her more".

                        One day as I was leaving, Jack asked for a hug. I looked at Mrs. Jack and she made a "goahead" gesture, so every now and then I would give him a hug, him sitting, me leaning over and giving him a quick hug.

                        Then, he made a move when we were alone! Oh, man. It has been a royal mess. Jack started acting like a stalker and I am so paranoid about saying anything other than "HI" to any man but my husband!

                        It's not just you - but you have to be very careful about those "hugs". Boy, did I learn my lesson! A pat on the back is it!

                        " I have had an increasing burden to engage in some down and dirty, street evangelism." March 6, 2010

                        Isaiah 6:8 I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “ Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?”

                        Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

                        Matthew 22:9 NIV
                        'So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’


                        I'm praying for you daily!
                        I get my Bibles here

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                        • #13
                          I've learned... in social situations, if a man wants to give me a hug, I quickly put out my hand for a handshake. I will only hug a man in greeting if my spouse is present - and even those occasions are extremely rare. My hugs are special you see.... only my DH and my family get to enjoy them And my girlfriends. Well ok, and my kitties

                          I've learned this the hard way like you Acts, in my younger years I used to have trouble determining proper boundaries, and was very naive. I would just hug anybody who wanted one. I was mortified when occasions cropped up where a man would be improper toward me, because I hugged him and that somehow sent a signal that I didn't intend.

                          Boundaries. Gotta have 'em!!

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                          • #14
                            ...
                            Last edited by Robert; November 7th, 2010, 05:49 AM. Reason: ...

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                            • #15
                              Oh, yeah.

                              That's my problem, I'm a hugger. I'm like a little puppy. Wag, wag.

                              One time a slow guy on our service was having a bad time, and my husband held his hand the whole ride.

                              So sad, these days.

                              " I have had an increasing burden to engage in some down and dirty, street evangelism." March 6, 2010

                              Isaiah 6:8 I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “ Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?”

                              Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

                              Matthew 22:9 NIV
                              'So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’


                              I'm praying for you daily!
                              I get my Bibles here

                              Comment

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