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Jokes that need Scottish accents

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  • Jokes that need Scottish accents

    Q: What’s the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?
    A: Bing sings, but Walt Disney.


    Short-sighted Scotsman to a baker: Is that a doughnut, or a meringue?
    Baker: You’re right—it’s a doughnut.
    The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
    Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge.
    (Psa 19:1b-2)

  • #2

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    • #3
      You are right, Hoot. You need to understand the accent
      Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is knowing the difference between right and almost right. - Charles H. Spurgeon

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      • #4
        i tried, but totally failed!

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        • #5
          ***Chortle***
          Matthew 22:36-40

          36 "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" 37 And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.' 38 "This is the great and foremost commandment. 39 "The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' 40 "On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."

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          • #6
            Originally posted by icebear View Post
            i tried, but totally failed!
            Here's some help with the first joke. Disney (Scottish accent) translates to Does not.

            Now figure out the second one for me.
            Matthew 22:36-40

            36 "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" 37 And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.' 38 "This is the great and foremost commandment. 39 "The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' 40 "On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."

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            • #7
              a mirage?

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              • #8
                or ahm-er rrroong (am I wrong)?
                It's ALL about Jesus. The Son of God - Emanuel - The Mighty God - Our Salvation.

                John 1:1-3 NKJV --- Luke 22:42 NKJV --Romans 3:23 NKJV, Rom 5:8 NKJV, Rom 8:28 NKJV, Rom 8:31 NKJV, Rom8:38-39 NKJV, ---Titus 1:2 NKJV - Heb 6:18 NKJV --- John 14:6 NKJV --- 1 John 5:13 NKJV --- Acts 16:29-31 NKJV ... John 6:28-29 NKJV... 1John 2:22 NKJV... Heb 10:11-13 NKJV

                “Oh Look,... an Atheist........I Don't believe it....”
                sigpic

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Wally View Post
                  or ahm-er rrroong (am I wrong)?
                  The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
                  Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge.
                  (Psa 19:1b-2)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Anddra View Post
                    You are right, Hoot. You need to understand the accent
                    I knew you would like that.
                    The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
                    Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge.
                    (Psa 19:1b-2)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      DD1 Loves Gerald Butler ...herrrrritage Ah guss.

                      Listening to Galic Storm helps too.

                      Show us your Wellies!
                      It's ALL about Jesus. The Son of God - Emanuel - The Mighty God - Our Salvation.

                      John 1:1-3 NKJV --- Luke 22:42 NKJV --Romans 3:23 NKJV, Rom 5:8 NKJV, Rom 8:28 NKJV, Rom 8:31 NKJV, Rom8:38-39 NKJV, ---Titus 1:2 NKJV - Heb 6:18 NKJV --- John 14:6 NKJV --- 1 John 5:13 NKJV --- Acts 16:29-31 NKJV ... John 6:28-29 NKJV... 1John 2:22 NKJV... Heb 10:11-13 NKJV

                      “Oh Look,... an Atheist........I Don't believe it....”
                      sigpic

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                      • #12
                        Two cows in a field, which one is on holiday?
                        The one with the wee calf!
                        The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
                        Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge.
                        (Psa 19:1b-2)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Have a Guiness, Hoot.

                          Record that is...

                          Most silly Scottish jokes in an hour.
                          It's ALL about Jesus. The Son of God - Emanuel - The Mighty God - Our Salvation.

                          John 1:1-3 NKJV --- Luke 22:42 NKJV --Romans 3:23 NKJV, Rom 5:8 NKJV, Rom 8:28 NKJV, Rom 8:31 NKJV, Rom8:38-39 NKJV, ---Titus 1:2 NKJV - Heb 6:18 NKJV --- John 14:6 NKJV --- 1 John 5:13 NKJV --- Acts 16:29-31 NKJV ... John 6:28-29 NKJV... 1John 2:22 NKJV... Heb 10:11-13 NKJV

                          “Oh Look,... an Atheist........I Don't believe it....”
                          sigpic

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                          • #14
                            The classic example for the need of translating Scottish:

                            Greens Keeper: "I want you to go and kill all the GALFERS..."

                            Bill Murray: "Excuse me, but if I go and kill all the golfers, they'll lock me up..."

                            Greens Keeper: "No! NOT the galfers...the GALFERS!"

                            galfers = golfers
                            GALFERS = gophers

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                            • #15


                              I actually got the first one.


                              Pray without ceasing. 1 Thessalonians 5:17

                              A closed mouth gathers no feet. Unknown

                              Inside there's a thin woman trying to get out.
                              I'm keeping her sedated with chocolate

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