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  • #16
    Where would you find a dog with no legs?

    Exactly where you left him.
    Sean: Not Perfect......Just Forgiven.

    Rapture Ready- Abandon despair all ye who enter here.

    Comment


    • #17
      Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
      The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
      Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge.
      (Psa 19:1b-2)

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Hootmon View Post
        Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
        Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is knowing the difference between right and almost right. - Charles H. Spurgeon

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Lisa in OK View Post
          What do you call a woman with one leg?

          Eilene.
          Where does Eileen work?

          She's a waitress at IHOP.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Penny's Pop View Post
            Where does Eileen work?

            She's a waitress at IHOP.


            Sean: Not Perfect......Just Forgiven.

            Rapture Ready- Abandon despair all ye who enter here.

            Comment


            • #21
              Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were having a rest in their hotel room when suddenly a tree walked in.

              "Elm entry, my Dear Watson," said Holmes.
              Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is knowing the difference between right and almost right. - Charles H. Spurgeon

              Comment


              • #22
                Eileen Dover, and her brother Ben.
                The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.
                Day to day pours forth speech, And night to night reveals knowledge.
                (Psa 19:1b-2)

                Comment


                • #23
                  Two men from Ireland were Talking in a Pub

                  'I wouldn't go to America if you paid me,' said Michael.
                  'Why is that?' asked the Patrick.
                  'Well for one thing, they all drive on the right hand side of the road there.'
                  'And what's wrong with that?' inquired Patrick.
                  'Well', said Michael, 'I tried it driving in Dublin the other day and it's terrible.'

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                  • #24
                    An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were hungry one night and had money only for a small pie. Since it was too small to divide they decided to go to sleep and The pie would go to The person who had The most interesting dream.

                    When they woke up in The morning. The Englishman said, 'I had a very interesting dream. I dreamt I was ruler over The whole world. You can't get more interesting than that, so I deserve The pie.'

                    'Hold it,' said The Scotsman. 'I dreamt I was ruler over The whole universe, so that pie belongs to me.'

                    'I had The most interesting dream of all,' said The Irishman. 'I dreamt I was hungry, so I got up and ate the pie.'
                    Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is knowing the difference between right and almost right. - Charles H. Spurgeon

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      The Irish Roads Department want us all to be the same as America.

                      From April all lorries will drive on the right.

                      If this is successful, then around May they will get the cars to also drive on the right.
                      Sean: Not Perfect......Just Forgiven.

                      Rapture Ready- Abandon despair all ye who enter here.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        A little Cork village had just bought a new fire engine and the local councillors were wondering what should be done with the old one.

                        'I've got an idea', said one councillor, 'why not keep the old engine for false alarms?'
                        Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is knowing the difference between right and almost right. - Charles H. Spurgeon

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          A true story.

                          A few years ago the Irish news reported that police had found a decapitated and mutilated body in the trunk of a car.

                          The report ended by saying ''Police are treating the death as suspicious''.

                          You won't pull the wool over our cops eyes!
                          Sean: Not Perfect......Just Forgiven.

                          Rapture Ready- Abandon despair all ye who enter here.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            The American tourist

                            The American tourist was walking around the cathedral admiring the architecture.

                            'Are you enjoying your visit to Ireland?' asked a young priest.

                            'Very much, Father, but I can't get on with the whiskey it's far too strong for me,' said the Yank.

                            'Why so?' asked the priest.

                            'Well, I got drunk on it on Saturday night and crashed out unconscious. Sunday morning I woke at 5 a.m. bright as a button. I went to 6 o'clock mass, 7 o'clock mass, 8 o'clock, nine, ten and eleven o'clock mass. Then I went to afternoon Rosary, sermon, Stations of the Cross and Benediction!'

                            'So what's wrong with that?' asked the priest.

                            'I'm a Protestant!' said the tourist.
                            Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is knowing the difference between right and almost right. - Charles H. Spurgeon

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Customer Bowled Over by Service

                              A car mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clanking noise when going around corners so he took the car out for a test drive and made a right turn, then a left turn, each time hearing a loud clunk.
                              When he arrived back at the garage he returned the car to the service manager with this note: 'Removed bowling ball from trunk.'

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                              • #30
                                How come wrong telephone numbers are never busy?

                                Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?

                                Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?

                                Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

                                Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

                                Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

                                Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

                                Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

                                Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?

                                Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?

                                How do you get off a non-stop flight?

                                How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

                                If athletes get athlete's foot, do soldiers get mistletoe?

                                Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?

                                Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?

                                Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

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