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Do you blame yourself when your children make bad choices?

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  • Do you blame yourself when your children make bad choices?

    If not...what is your secret?
    The dogs are barking, someone is knocking on the door...

    Please pray for Lindsey's salvation

  • #2
    I don't. Up to about age 14-15 I did, but after that, I realized that I had taught them right from wrong. If they chose to do wrong, they chose to do wrong. They were brought up in a Christian home. My two eldest are not walking with the Lord right now, but He promises that they will return to Him. I don't view me being responsible for any other adult's actions, therefore, I'm not responsible for theirs. Look at this way: are they responsible for your actions? Of course not. It works both ways.

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    • #3
      If you are speaking of grown, adult children, then no, I do not feel guilty. At all. I raised them up to be God-fearing, law-abiding, considerate people when they were growing up. I talked to them and explained why different situations/decisions could cause very serious problems in their lives.......... Once grown, if they decided to make decisions that were harmful, it was on them. If they talked to me about it before hand, I would once again discuss it with them. If not, then they were on their own and totally responsible for any decisions they made and any consequences that followed. I did keep them in the middle of my prayers that God would be there to help them, but that didn't always happen if they weren't open to His leading. But, I never felt guilty at all. I did my best and that was all I could do.

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      • #4
        I don't blame myself, but that doesn't keep me from suffering big time when my children make decisions that hurt them in some way. Maybe what I feel for my children is a little bit of what Father God feels for us when we mess up... some of us even blaming him for the consequences of our poor decisions.

        My two boys and two girls are all young adults now. More than one of them seems to lack good sense when it comes to making decisions. I did the best I could by them and can only lift them up to God now. I can't or shouldn't clean up their messes for them, otherwise they wouldn't learn the hard lessons that can come with difficulties that are self-inflicted.
        Tall Timbers, Imperfect but forgiven

        3 trees

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        • #5
          I guess what kills me is that I didn't bring my daughter up in the church as I wasn't saved back then.
          I was a very attentive singe mother and I'm still trying to get her to live right and she has kids of her own.
          I have told her the gospel. I guess that's all I can do.
          The dogs are barking, someone is knocking on the door...

          Please pray for Lindsey's salvation

          Comment


          • #6
            It's hard when you only have one child...who lives life the hard way and you have no other children who appear to have turned out good.
            Makes me feel like a failure and I can't shake the obsessive need to fix her.
            The dogs are barking, someone is knocking on the door...

            Please pray for Lindsey's salvation

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Cindy S. View Post
              It's hard when you only have one child...who lives life the hard way and you have no other children who appear to have turned out good.
              Makes me feel like a failure and I can't shake the obsessive need to fix her.
              Keep praying. It's the most powerful tool in the tool kit.
              sigpic
              Come soon Lord Jesus - Take us Safely Home

              John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

              Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.


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              • #8
                Guilt doesn't come from God. You did the best you could with where you were at. You said you weren't saved then, so you could not have done differently. After a part of my life when I realized I had messed up in a relationship, a pastor in my church told me that forgiving myself would be the hardest thing to do. I think that is true for many of us Christians, especially for moms. Pray for God to help you forgive yourself and let the guilt go.

                I do a lot of volunteering with youth organizations. I try my best to train up the children who attend the best I can now as a Christian (which is a challenge in some non-Christian organizations). I try to influence other people's children for the Lord as I would have wished other adults had done for mine. My favorite time was when I was teaching Sunday School to 2 and 3 year olds. They are so willing to learn the truth and can be corrected and taught so easily at that age! I too learned a lot by taking the Bible lesson for the week and trying to translate it into something that age group could understand. That often taught me more of the simple basics of the lesson that many times I lose when I am trying to be too cerebral about it. Oh, sorry for the rant!
                "Therefore my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable,
                always abounding in the work of the Lord;
                knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."

                1 Corinthians 15:58 (ESV)

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                • #9
                  This is what the Bible says:

                  The soul who sins dies. The son won't bear the punishment of his father's sin and the father won't bear the punishment of his son's sin.
                  The righteous deeds of that righteous person will be attributed to him, while the wicked deeds of the wicked person will be charged against him.
                  - Ezekiel 18:20

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Firefly View Post
                    Guilt doesn't come from God.
                    So true. There is no condemnation in Christ, Rom. 8:1.

                    Originally posted by Firefly View Post
                    a pastor in my church told me that forgiving myself would be the hardest thing to do. I think that is true for many of us Christians, especially for moms. Pray for God to help you forgive yourself and let the guilt go.
                    Forgiving yourself is not a biblical concept. This is secular humanistic psychology. God forgives us. We need to accept that forgiveness by faith. Continued guilt feelings do not mean we are not forgiven. Feelings are not facts. God's words are fact. Satan uses our feelings to deceive us into thinking we are not forgiven, or that we need to do something more. Find several verses about forgiveness to read and meditate on when feelings try to deceive you.

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                    • #11
                      Great points everyone. My daughter may have to move into the mission for awhile because she is not welcome to move in with me. May be exactly what she needs. Its that bad.
                      i can take her for a night or two but something needs to change.
                      The dogs are barking, someone is knocking on the door...

                      Please pray for Lindsey's salvation

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Cindy S. View Post
                        Great points everyone. My daughter may have to move into the mission for awhile because she is not welcome to move in with me. May be exactly what she needs. Its that bad.
                        i can take her for a night or two but something needs to change.
                        I can understand where you're coming from. My house has rules that anyone who lives here has to abide by. No drinking, smoking, drugs or illicit sex. And no freeloaders. I have a child who decided it was better living on her own. It was her choice. I also have a son who has moved back home due to his imploding marriage. He has no problem with abiding by the rules. In his words, "She who pays the mortgage writes the rules."

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by hsmommy View Post

                          I can understand where you're coming from. My house has rules that anyone who lives here has to abide by. No drinking, smoking, drugs or illicit sex. And no freeloaders. I have a child who decided it was better living on her own. It was her choice. I also have a son who has moved back home due to his imploding marriage. He has no problem with abiding by the rules. In his words, "She who pays the mortgage writes the rules."
                          today she threatened she would make it so I can't see my grandkids.
                          Unthankful unholy disobedient to parents

                          The dogs are barking, someone is knocking on the door...

                          Please pray for Lindsey's salvation

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Cindy S. View Post
                            today she threatened she would make it so I can't see my grandkids.
                            Unthankful unholy disobedient to parents
                            I'm sorry she is doing that to you. That's one trump card that is especially hurtful. Sometimes the only thing left is to pray for them. I'm not saying that prayer is a last resort, rather it's the one thing that can lead to healing & restoration. Jesus loves her & her kidlets even more than you do.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Cindy S. View Post
                              today she threatened she would make it so I can't see my grandkids.
                              Unthankful unholy disobedient to parents
                              Cindy,
                              I know the pain of what your going through and I'm so sorry. We have several adult children and they we're brought up in church and we don't see them or the grand children. Even with God's word, the pain is unbearable at times and not a day goes by that it is not on my mind. I spend a great deal of time in God's Word. His word is the only strength, comfort and hope that we have when we face life's trials.

                              What's even worse in our situation is how the church, Pastors and leaders/in-laws in our community are involved in supporting the hate. I just don't understand how there can be so much hate in the body of Christ??? And, if they are ALL not true born again Christians then that makes for a lot of them. And, if they are really born again, how come God allows this to go on without disciplining them???
                              And, it just seems to be so unfair sometimes when I think about it, although, I know it is my feelings and that is not truth. I know His word and I know that I too am a sinner saved by grace and that I still sin. But, for them to go on and on and on in this hate is just so unbelievably not understandable if they have the Holy Spirit living in them. And, like I said, we are talking about a large number of people.

                              I recently spoke with an elderly neighbor who IS a Christian and we spoke about how about 15 years ago the church had split and the one man that left that church is now an elder at the church that I mention. From what she said, she believes he IS born again.... but she also said that for years he was very good friends with her husband and how this elder is only interested in getting the number of people in the church to increase.

                              I did bring all this to the church but they didn't care to hear anything.

                              Immerse yourself in His word! He loves you and will bring you through this and continue to pray for her and the grandchildren.

                              Do you have other women you can lean on, fellowship and pray with?

                              I will lift you up in prayer and REMEMBER His promises. Your faith in Him will grow and He will bless you through His word!

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