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Can't talk about this other places

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  • Can't talk about this other places

    As you know, I had a difficult childhood. Some of you may remember my struggle to forgive them for their abuse, and move on. I have done so.

    Every holiday, I call them. They never call me. That's OK, they are usually busy with "real" family (I am my Dad's only child, my stepmother had 3 children before she met my Dad and they are treated as "real" family, while I am treated as the outsider). Every holiday, I either get 1 of 2 things: voicemail (this year) or a very short, 30 second conversation telling me how busy they are with "family". What am I? I am my Dad's only natural child. I even called yesterday, because my Dad has this thing where he wants me to call him 4PM their time. on Saturday. Half the time they are "busy" and I end up going to voicemail. They never call me back. He gets upset if I call other times. So I called and got voicemail, later on a text saying they were "busy". The "grandkids" are all late teens and early 20's.

    I am just really hurt that I am so unimportant to them. I treat my cat better than they treat me, I give her attention and affection on a daily basis. I know I shouldn't expect it, because they have a proven track record of outright hurting me, stabbing me in the back, and letting me down, but still disappointed. It doesn't do any good to talk to them. They will just say "sorry" and keep doing it.

    I remind myself I have a large Christian family, you guys, other online sources, and a huge family of (Bible Handout) recipients. They all love me and I will just have to settle for that.

    It just hurts. It's ironic because I keep hearing from parents who never hear from their kids, how much they would love a phone call from their kids, and here I am going to voicemail. It rang 6 times so the phone was on, they just didn't care to pick up.

    " I have had an increasing burden to engage in some down and dirty, street evangelism." March 6, 2010

    Isaiah 6:8 I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “ Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?”

    Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

    Matthew 22:9 NIV
    'So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’


    I'm praying for you daily!
    I get my Bibles here

  • #2
    Acts, always remember: He sets the solitary in families. He himself is a Father, and he relates as such to the other members of the Godhead. He KNOWS how important it is to have emotional support. For right now, since your natural family and your spouse are lacking, we and your church have the privilege of stepping in as much as we can. But someday, before too much longer, you will complete the purpose for which God has you waiting and enduring...and at that point He Himself will wipe away every tear from your eyes and you will KNOW that you are...and have been...loved.

    I still pray for those who are neglecting you, that some day they may also enjoy the love of Heaven. I'm sure that when they see just how richly you are rewarded they will long to be accepted back into your circle of intimates. I'm sure that at some point they will...but, if you want to make them wait a bit, I'm sure God will give you a friendly wink.
    --------Eric H. Bowen

    sigpic 16 inch Armor Piercing: When you care enough to send the very, very, best!

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    • #3
      Heather, I am so sorry you are going through this with your parents. I know how hurtful it is. I am one of those elderly, widowed moms who doesn't hear from her kids ..... who were a blended family for over 35 years. Out of five kids - mine and his - only one daughter is really devoted to me in any way, shape or form. The rest are busy with their lives and their friends, etc., and have no time to make any effort. And, like you, I do call and leave messages or texts for them. BUT......... I don't do it as often anymore. After three years of being made to feel like I don't matter that much to them, I have backed off quite a bit over the past year. I always let them know that I love them with calls or cards...............but, I just don't put myself out there as much where they can hurt me over and over again.

      I, too, have had to realize that RR is my new family.........my one daughter is my family, on a day to day basis. And, Father God loves me more than all the rest of them put together........... AND, it IS enough!! My time here is probably relatively short, and through Christ, I will handle this.........and, even be content with it. I do pray that the Lord comes for us very, very soon, tho..........

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      • #4
        Alright, give me there number or address cuz I'm gonna have to pay them a little visit.

        Heather, you know that you are loved, prayed for, and appreciated by all of us here, but I understand how much it hurts to be rejected by your own family. I completely get it. I could tell you similar stories of times when my parents treated me the same way.
        Honestly, I've struggled at times with bitterness because it just hurts so much to be treated that way by someone who is suppose to love you. I know it's only with God's strength within me that I am able to forgive and show grace.
        I think it's ok to respectfully take a big step back from abusive family members.

        We love you sister, and are praying that God would heal your hurting heart. (Hugs)

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        • #5
          Acts, I know how deep these hurts can go. I'm with the others here, though, in saying you might want to step back. It's like stabbing yourself in the eye with a sharp stick - you know what's going to happen - it's okay to stop going back to that stick!

          You are an essential part of the family of God!! Absolutely essential, with a place set at His table only for you. Dwell there!

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          • #6
            Praying

            Tall Timbers, Imperfect but forgiven

            3 trees

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            • #7
              Feeling better today. I was actually able to talk to Ron about this when he was sober (after work, waiting to come home) and he was pretty supportive. His family was so awful they didn't even tell him his mother died. We only found out from a nephew, after the funeral.

              " I have had an increasing burden to engage in some down and dirty, street evangelism." March 6, 2010

              Isaiah 6:8 I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “ Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?”

              Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

              Matthew 22:9 NIV
              'So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’


              I'm praying for you daily!
              I get my Bibles here

              Comment


              • #8
                Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. Psalm 84:10

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                • #9
                  Acts, I think some years back you posted something about a book about Boundaries. Would that book help in this situation? I wanted to read it but never have ordered it, so I'm not sure if it would fit this situation.

                  I am sad to read this post, but am glad to see you coming back here to post more frequently. I've missed you!

                  Firefly
                  "Therefore my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable,
                  always abounding in the work of the Lord;
                  knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."

                  1 Corinthians 15:58 (ESV)

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                  • #10
                    I'm sorry you are going through this. My kids are in the same situation. My eldest son hasn't seen his father since 2010. In 2013, said son arranged to meet with his father to introduce his father to his grand daughter. His father stood them up. My daughter hasn't seen her father since 2011. My youngest son, who has autism, hasn't seen his father since 2012. Their father just doesn't care to keep a relationship with them. The two eldest I think, have come to terms with it. My youngest, I don't know how he feels, he can't tell me.

                    Sometimes, we just have to let it go. Pray for them. It took me a long time, like 8 years, before I got to the point of being able to pray for him. Now I can.

                    Lorna

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                    • #11
                      I'm sorry Acts, that things are that way. One day it's all going to be made right. I'm glad Ron was there for you.

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                      • #12
                        Why would you ever deal with them when they make it obvious they want nothing to do with you? You can forgive them and not hold their sins against them without also subjecting yourself to their cruel indifference and apathy. Leave them to our Heavenly Father sister!

                        You have enough to deal with at home without taking on extra burdens. Quit troubling yourself with them. It's enough to forgive them and release it to God. Pray for them if you're so inclined. But don't bother with them personally when they treat you like that.

                        You and Ron are still in my prayers.

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                        • #13

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                          • #14
                            Timothy, my Dad says "Your calls mean a lot to us" and they always make a big deal of how I am so "regular and faithful" in my weekly calls to them, even when they're letting me go to voicemail. It is my belief THEY would be hurt if I stopped calling.

                            I think my stepmother was very embarrassed when her daughter had to share that my cat died, several years ago. I didn't tell her, I put it on Facebook. Side note - got more support from Facebook. When I called that week she was a little upset I hadn't called her. I honestly didn't think they cared. Same with a minor car accident "We don't want to hear about it on Facebook"

                            So I get a lot of mixed messages from them. I have decided that the weekly calls honor them as I'm commanded in the Bible and I will continue to call 4 PM their time every Saturday, unless I am sick. Whether they pick up is up to them.

                            " I have had an increasing burden to engage in some down and dirty, street evangelism." March 6, 2010

                            Isaiah 6:8 I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “ Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?”

                            Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

                            Matthew 22:9 NIV
                            'So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’


                            I'm praying for you daily!
                            I get my Bibles here

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Family can be so difficult...praying for you...that the hearts of your family members be transformed...

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