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Confessing faults one to another: What's your struggle?

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  • #16
    WOW, TimothyK............just wow! Thank you so much for sharing this video. It is so helpful. I feel better knowing that I can forgive (even if they don't care) and yet, walk away without feeling so bad about it. (And, I have truly forgiven them.) Their actions, or lack thereof, are giving me no other alternatives, and this message relieves me of guilt that I haven't done enough, even when I know I can do no more. I so related with your struggle, because it sounds the same as mine. My prayers will be with you, as I do understand your pain and frustration.

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    • #17
      Timothy K. That video blessed me too. I will have to release a few family members who don't qualify for exhoneration or forbearance.
      Thank you for posting it.
      The dogs are barking, someone is knocking on the door...

      Please pray for Lindsey's salvation

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      • #18
        I do not see the video, only a blank space that maybe should be the video ?
        John 10:27-30 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.

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        • #19
          chaser, the video is in TimothyK's previous post, at the bottom.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by chaser View Post
            I do not see the video, only a blank space that maybe should be the video ?
            Maybe have some Adblock/NoScript rules going on that are blocking it? Here's the direct link:
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xsVM_gd0Tc

            I'm glad the video's been a blessing and I feel better knowing this isn't something I'm alone with.
            May our Heavenly Father give us mercy in our weakness and ever conform us to the template of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by kathymendel View Post
              Hello all,

              My struggle may be a bit long-winded………I’m sorry.

              My husband of thirty-five years passed away of cancer almost three years ago. We had a wonderful marriage, and blended a family of five children. He was a Jew, and within a year of our marriage, he accepted Jesus as his Savior. He didn’t share that news with his family until three months before he went to heaven. They were not happy about it, and once he was gone, had nothing to do with me. Even the children I helped raise, whom I loved, and thought they loved me, disappeared into the woodwork, rarely calling or making plans to get together. I tried for the first two years and went out of my way to see them and be in touch with them, but they went on with their lives without me. I could have dealt with that……….

              I have lived my whole life trying to be kind to people, and not make waves or problems. I have bitten my tongue for years at times to avoid conflict. His two children have never seen me cause a problem. They have enjoyed my unconditional love for thirty-five years. But, last spring, my daughter-in-law decided to go behind my back, without any factual information from me, and lie about me to one of my grandchildren on my side of the family. I mean, she literally went out of her way to make plans for a few hours together with Beth and her children so she could lie, run me down (along with Beth’s mother) spouting hateful things……….and, claiming that I was spending all of her husband’s inheritance! Not at all true.

              Because there was a family wedding approaching (another grandson on my husband’s side) whe I found out about it, I remained silent, because I did not want to cause problems before the wedding. While at the event, my daughter-in-law caused a scene with me, because I did not give her a hug when she approached me. I learned she had been talking about my daughter and I to all of the extended family before we arrived.

              In December, I made a date to meet with her and my son at their house. I confronted her on what she had done……. My son said she would never do that, and tried to do all the talking while she sat there like a stone. I asked her point blank, and she admitted she did it. Her attitude was that she had a right to say whatever she wanted. No apology to me or Deb, and no apology to Beth……in fact, she unfriended all of us immediately on Facebook. She tried to turn everything around onto us, when we had done NOTHING.
              I left, and a couple of weeks later sent an email trying to smooth things over, and offer grace to her. She erupted in yet another tirade back to me.

              I told her that I was done. That she had betrayed my trust. That I did not want to be in contact with her again. She has treated other people in her life badly, and I don’t want to be in that position anymore. My son should know that I did not do anything from my life’s example from the 35 years he has known me. But, the whole family is out of the picture now. And, his sister is not in contact anymore either, so they have spread the lies on to her.

              I struggle because I feel I am letting the Lord down by removing myself from the situation. And yet, I honored their faith and hosted seder dinners every year after their grandmother passed away….for fifteen years. I celebrated chanuka with them every year I was in their family……….and, yet they never honored my faith by celebrating Easter or Christmas with Paul and me. I tried to share but they were not interested and would not listen. I am at the point where I am moved to walk away and not throw pearls at swine. I’m 73 and missing my life with their dad, and I can’t take any more pain from them. It is a choice I have made, but still struggle with.

              I truly cannot wait for that glorious day when our Lord comes and takes us home, out of this dark and dreary world.

              Thanks for listening.

              Hi Kathy,
              This is Roger's wife. I'm so sorry to hear of the pain you are going through, having lost your husband and not having any family to love you and who will care for you.
              Your story resonates so much like ours.
              I have been very ill for almost 20 years now and my faith is strong, but, even with Him and His promises, I find myself at times dealing with feelings of anger and struggling with the same as what you said....

              Struggling with letting the Lord down by coming to a point where I am removing myself completely from the situation. I have lovingly and patiently given to all our children and their spouses for a very long time. I have even apologized when it wasn't my fault just to keep the peace. I have done everything with countless people, people from the church and our children but it seems like the more I loved and forgave the more they walked all over me. And, I ask myself how these people can call themselves Christians???
              All though I am unable to get out much, pretty much at all due to illness, there is no one, no extended family (which are non Christians) and no one from the church who has reached to us. I've tried with several woman from some churches but they all brush me off like I don't matter.
              Our grown children who are professing christians socialize with our extended family and of course their in-laws and the church and no one thinks anything wrong in this?

              We brought this ongoing behavior to the board at the church and the board dismissed our concerns for ongoing sin in our children's lives and the one board member who is contributing to this ongoing unloving sinful behavior.

              It's all so hard! It's so painful and when I hear of them and know they are enjoying their lives, and they don't care to have us in their lives, not seeing our own children and grand children and what all everyone else is contributing to, extended family, the church. I find myself at times where I get really sick to my stomach, like I want to throw up because I just can't comprehend how people can HATE SO much?

              I have had the same with our adult child and their spouse.... I confronted our adult child about their spouses behavior and they don't believe or acknowledge anything. There has been lies and slander that went on for months online. And, I confronted them about it and the church, and the mother in law on the other side. They are suppose to be professing Christians and it is o.k. for them to behave like this.

              I wonder how many Churches, Pastor and elders and people in the pews who are not true born again believers?

              What happened to God's Word?

              What happened to discipline in the Church?

              I too with being constantly controlled by their behavior and them not wanting us in their life, only when it was convenient with them and it causing us so much pain and heartache, have decided that we have to not have anymore to do with them. They need to repent!

              God's word is very clear and commands us to deal with sin in the Church. (Matt. 18)

              So many churches are not teaching the whole counsel of God's Word, instead they are filling the time with entertainment and the word is watered down.

              I was told by the Pastor when we brought this to the board to just show grace. This is NOT God's church.
              God will deal with the church (Rev. 1-2-3)

              I've made the choice now also to not have anything to do with them and also feel guilty to some degree. I wonder if our children are truly saved, I wonder at times about whether I should continue to try and reach out to them, but, I already know how that has worked out. We've dealt with so much for a very long time. There is a huge selfish behavior.. it is not Christ centered and many are like this, not just the younger generation. Many are enjoying their best life now and not living for Christ!

              I think sometimes on some verses like, love your enemies... how we should try desperately to continue to reach out to them. But, then I have asked myself when does it stop, are we to continue to reach out only to be beaten down over and over?

              I stay close to Him in His Word! I believe He has brought me to a place where I confronted and brought this to the church and because they ALL profess to be Christians they are to repent! Even if they aren't, I have loved them, shared God's word and I do forgive them and pray for all of them and even though at times I feel so angry. I God brings me back to a place where I know I ask Him to continue to soften my heart and remember to obey Him and let Him deal with them and the situation.

              We have to trust Him. Yet, like you Kathy, I still struggle and the hurt and pain of it all and not seeing our grand children is so deep.

              God bless you and I will pray for you..

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              • #22
                Originally posted by TimothyK View Post
                Bitterness. Very bitter and snappy to people I need to forgive and let go. It's hard for me to let go and forgive and I suffer dearly for it. Even if I could justify my anger or resentment, it doesn't do me any good except to ruin my peace and sour my heart. I'm a fool. Twice a fool for I understand my trouble and I tend to do it anyway miserable wretch that I am.

                Even so, knowing me now is like knowing a different person from before my salvation. I've become much better at forgiving and forgetting. There are days where the "old man" comes out but for the most part there's a kind of tempered apathy I take to most issues and people that used to just make my blood boil over.
                Now it makes their blood boil over. It's amazing what a non-response goads out of people.

                It's certainly no good thing to run cold and apathetic to the world around us but at the same time facing certain people and troubles? Folks who want to rile you up and drag you along on their miserable emotional roller coaster? A forbearing controlled apathy is the best response I find. The alternative is to just let these types drag you along and I refuse.

                I'm stubborn too.
                God help me.



                I don't think your situation is much different from what I'm describing.

                I know it's not a perfect response and it'll always feel... incomplete. But the fallen condition of people doesn't always make a perfect resolution possible. From the sound of it you're not the one hindering that process. You might give this video a watch if you have 6 mins to spare. It's helped me and it might help you.



                Thank you Timothy for sharing this video.

                We've not had any acknowledgment of ill done towards us when for years it has gone on and on all the while getting worse and worse. Months of slander online (which of course everyone sees, extended family, in-laws (I spoke of this in length with the mother) and contacting the church to try and bring reconciliation and not a single person wanting to deal with any of this... And after all of this we still offered forgiveness, written letters of wanting to reconcile and offering forgiveness over and over, inviting them over. I even said I was sorry for any hurt I've caused, I know I have at times been upset, gotten angry, after trying desperately to have a relationship with them. But, when they don't want to their is games that are played, frustration mounts, stress goes through the roof and with ongoing deteriorating health issues, it is all so so hard.

                No remorse, no feeling sorry for anything, no responsibility and no asking for forgiveness, just blaming me and spreading a lie throughout the family and church.

                I had gotten to a place where I could not function at all... it's scary to come to a place like this... we don't have control over our health.

                I'm still trying to regain some semblance of just basic functioning. The whole stress of it all really takes a toll. I just can't do it anymore. I pray God will forgive me. I love them and pray for them but I have to fully release them into His hands.

                God bless

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                • #23
                  I wanted to post this as I struggled with my own walk and with dealing with our adult children and the church. Knowing that this may go on for years and I wonder if in 2-3 or 10 years from now if they come back and ask for forgiveness then if I will be able to even want them in my life. It all hurts so much and although I think about it, I try and not to let it linger in my mind, but, instead renew my mind in God's Word!
                  I want so much to walk in obedience to His Word!
                  We need to stay close to Him and ask Him to lead us every step of the way. We don't know the future. We don't know what God is doing as we lift up our prayers for our loved one's and the church and for those who are lost!
                  We do KNOW that He will work all things out for the good of those who love Him.
                  As I said, I struggle everyday still not knowing if I'm letting Him down. I ask for His forgiveness for all of us struggling and wanting to be in His will, for His guidance, strength and for His grace and mercy to be upon us.

                  HERE IS THE ARTICLE I WANTED TO SHARE. MOD'S IF THIS IS NOT APPROPRIATE PLEASE REMOVE. THANK YOU!

                  WITHDRAWING FROM DISORDERLY CHRISTIANS

                  http://www.speakingsounddoctrine.com/Withdrawing.htm

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                  • #24
                    Thank you, Roger's Wife. My heart goes out to you and I am praying for everyone here who is dealing with this. You ask, where is the discipline in the church, and what's happened to the church? I ask, what has happened to LOVE in this world? And, it comes back to the fact that men have become lovers of themselves..........not others. This world is filled to the core with narcissistic souls..........and, if you've ever looked up anything about narcissists, you will know how truly bad they are. They never accept responsibility for anything they do, and will turn what they've done around and put it back on you!! They will never admit they were wrong or apologize for anything they have done. Don't hold you breath!!

                    After watching the video TimothyK posted, I am convinced that God does not hold it against us for walking away. He never asked us to stay and be kicked over and over again..............anymore than He asked Jesus to be crucified for our sins more than one time. He has warned us in His Word to not throw pearls to the swine. As I said, I will continue to pray for them and I have forgiven them............but, I will not take any more from them. They are not saved and have no interest in hearing about salvation. But, if God should change their hearts and they would come to me and apologize, I would VERY CAUTIOUSLY let them back into my life, until they did this again. Yes, my heart is broken, but I must step away to be physically and spiritually healthy myself.

                    God bless you.........

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