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I'm A Little Angry

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  • I'm A Little Angry

    Up until 2010, I was a member of a fairly mainline charismatic denomination. During that time, I experieinced some of the hardest and my trying times in my faith - mostly because of the type of church I was going to. They were manipulative and controlling and a borderline cult.

    I was heading up their tech department as a volunteer at the time and coordinated the lighting, sound, etc for Sunday services and then for youth service on Wednesday night until the unthinkable happened.

    I had grown pretty close to a couple of the teenage boys in the youth ministry. One of them in particular had a tough upbringing and didn't have much of a father figure to speak of. I did my best to be a big brother to him. In February 0f 2010, I was going to visit friends in the college town where I went to school. The kid had friends who had gone to school there and so he tagged along with me so he could go stay with a buddy while I visited friends and went sight seeing. While on that trip, he told his buddy (who called and told our pastor) that I had tried to have an inappropriate relationship with him.

    I never ever touched any kid inappropriately ever.

    Anyway, over the course of the next few months, it came out that I never did it. Rather than do the right thing by me, the church staff (because the grandparents of this kid were big money donors) basically gave me a bunch of rules I had to follow like not going to the same service as they do, don't come on wednesday nights, etc. I just found a new church and stopped going. In the mean time the associate pastor there (who was one of my best friends in college) tells me that he just "can't relate to me anymore" now that he got married and I'm still single and pretty much says he doesn't want a friendship.

    So all of this has gone down and today, almost 8 years later to the day that all of this started, I see that the pastor has written and published a book about living the Christian life. I wonder if his book has a section covering where you throw away your congregants when someone that donates enough money tells you to. It has taken everything in me to turn the other check and not publicly shame him. I've kept my mouth shut, not named names and not badmouthed the church or the staff to anyone.

    8 years later I'm still angry. I'm trying to forgive and forget, but I just boils my blood to see someone who treated me so horribly writing a book about how others should live.

    I guess I'm mostly venting in this post. I'd welcome some advice. I've since moved to a different part of the country from where this happened and I've tried to leave that part of my life behind, but I still think about my former best friend and the two pastors I sat under while a part of that denomination. I basically disappeared and not once did they bother asking what happened to me and probably don't even know if I'm still alive or not. These were people who consistently talked about how much they cared for me, now I think I was just being manipulated by a couple of sociopaths.

  • #2
    It is understandable from what you describe to see why you would have anger in this situation. Do not dwell any deeper or let it (anger) have legs that cross the line into sin, take no action of vengeance or revenge, our earthly man always wants to take action. Instead dwell on our heavenly Father's gift, Jesus and all the gifts , benefits and promises we have because of His life, death and resurrection. The truth came out that it was a made up story a lie, God is faithful, give praise. You have moved away, move on with your life and move deeper with Jesus, keep letting him fill your heart, so that anyone who sees you going through life can see that you are Spirit filled, you live it, forgive and be at peace. Also may be for future reference ,at our church we were taught that no non family member youth were to be alone with or transported alone by one adult only, better to have 2 or more accompanying adults.
    John 10:27-30 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.

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    • #3
      Your avatar reminds me of Bob Dylan. Yes, being an outcast is hard. Jesus said, " Blessed are you when men hate you, and ostracize you, and cast insults at you, and spurn your name as evil, for the sake of the Son of Man.Be glad in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for in the same way their fathers used to treat the prophets." Luke 6:22-23 (NASB77)

      Speaking of Bob Dylan, this song came to mind, so here are some lyrics. Hope it encourages you, and keep looking toward your reward.
      They ask me how I feel
      And if my love is real
      And how I know I’ll make it through
      And they, they look at me and frown
      They’d like to drive me from this town
      They don’t want me around
      ’Cause I believe in you

      They show me to the door
      They say don’t come back no more
      ’Cause I don’t be like they’d like me to
      And I walk out on my own
      A thousand miles from home
      But I don’t feel alone
      ’Cause I believe in you

      I believe in you even through the tears and the laughter
      I believe in you even though we be apart
      I believe in you even on the morning after
      Oh, when the dawn is nearing
      Oh, when the night is disappearing
      Oh, this feeling is still here in my heart...

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      • #4
        Just to add to what's already been said, HBH, it looks to me that, through a great trial, you have handled it just as God's Word counsels. A great injustice was done to you, but you let the Lord carry you through. Now, an ugly trigger from the past has temporarily revived your anger. Of course you're feeling that way! Every one of us would. The important thing is to return to what carried you the first time, which is the arms of Jesus, and the counsel of His Word. Psalm 37 tells us exactly how to behave when evil men scheme against us - it's pure gold, and is worn so thin and been highlighted multiple times in my own Bible, because I know exactly how it feels. You are going to get through this because Jesus has you. Period!

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        • #5
          HBH, I agree with the others here. While it may please our flesh to be angry when we think we are justified in it, it doesn't do any good, it'll eat you up if you let it. Best to just let it go, IMO. How to do that tho?

          I was wronged by a long-time childhood friend last year. I was hurt to the bone and angry with him. It was only when I began to pray specifically for him, and I had to force myself to at first, that I was able to let it go.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by pixelpusher View Post
            HBH, I agree with the others here. While it may please our flesh to be angry when we think we are justified in it, it doesn't do any good, it'll eat you up if you let it. Best to just let it go, IMO. How to do that tho?

            I was wronged by a long-time childhood friend last year. I was hurt to the bone and angry with him. It was only when I began to pray specifically for him, and I had to force myself to at first, that I was able to let it go.
            Yes, I've found that praying earnestly for those who have done me wrong to be good medicine. It aids in the forgiving process... and, you're turning them over to the Judge. Additionally, I've found that continuing to be kind and generous to those who have wronged you is also good medicine.

            Proverbs 25:22
            Tall Timbers, Imperfect but forgiven

            3 trees

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            • #7
              Originally posted by chaser View Post
              Also may be for future reference ,at our church we were taught that no non family member youth were to be alone with or transported alone by one adult only, better to have 2 or more accompanying adults.
              I am currently serving in youth ministry again, and this is not an official rule here but it is one that I follow. We have small groups for them outside the normal service time, and mine is hosted at the home of one of the parents instead of my house (I'm single and live alone) and one of the adults in that household is always there. I will never put myself in a position again where it can be remotely possible that something this could happen.

              As far as the rest of it goes, I'm trying to just let it go. The thing that hurts the most is my best friend just tossing me out. I realize now that it was a very unhealthly relationship and he was using my emotional state at the time to manipulate and control me. A lot of it I blame myself for being so gullible.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Tall Timbers View Post

                Yes, I've found that praying earnestly for those who have done me wrong to be good medicine. It aids in the forgiving process... and, you're turning them over to the Judge. Additionally, I've found that continuing to be kind and generous to those who have wronged you is also good medicine.

                Proverbs 25:22
                Amen. Well said.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I've had my fair share of anger and have learned how to deal with it pretty well. Growing up I was abused and treated badly my entire childhood. For a long time I had anger against those who hurt me. Only God can change the anger. But you must change your thoughts. You should pray and ask God what he wants you to do. It may take writing an email and explaining where you are to released. There is a bible study by Beth Moore that has made amazing strides with my past. It's called "Breaking Free" Anger is chain (stronghold). As long as the enemy has you wrapped up nice and tight with anger it's not going to be easy to be free. One of the things in the study was a diagram of how to change your thoughts. I can't post the picture on here but here's the link to it.

                  https://plus.google.com/u/0/photos/p...N_og6ym2eP96AE

                  The anger in my OPINION is probably attached more to your thoughts. If you want to move on and forgive that's a good sign that your anger in this situation is a stronghold. In her study she talks about how betrayal can break a person's heart, wounding them. This wound can create bondage.

                  "Christ binds up the brokenhearted. Choosing any means other than the work of the Great Physician to treat brokenheartedness is an invitation to bondage. We could boil this unit down to one motto:Bandage or Bondage?"

                  "If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him." Psalm 55:12



                  That's just a couple of places in the study but there is a lot in this section that I think would help you. Our greatest weapon in our possession is the sword of the spirit. Study anger. Study forgiveness. And also, remind yourself of what Christ has forgiven you for (this works best for me) If you remind yourself of all the things you have been forgiven for it will bring things into a better perspective.But one thing to remember is that Christ has endured everything we have. He was also betrayed by a friend. Judas sold him out like a slave for 40 pieces of silver.Talk about being tossed out like garbage. Jesus is sympathetic. We can count on him when others vanish. He knows we are weak and isn't intimidated by our needs. Christ can feel the anger and the pain inside. He wants to take it away but you must let it go. Even if you still feel angry.. just say out loud.. Jesus take this. And, eventually you will find healing. I would highly reccomend sending an email just to clear the air and find closure. I wouldn't start up a relationship or respond to him after but basically say you choose to forgive him (if that's what you feel God is leading you to do.) I find it really sad that no one has tried to make it right. But, the Lord is the only answer here.

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                  • #10
                    I apologize if the above seems like a rambling. I didn't sleep well last night and I'm trying to remember all I've learned. It's hard to make coherent thoughts right now... lol.

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                    • #11
                      Thank you Yrrek, your insight is helpful to me, and I am sure to many others reading this thread.
                      "Therefore my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable,
                      always abounding in the work of the Lord;
                      knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."

                      1 Corinthians 15:58 (ESV)

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                      • #12
                        I had an abusive childhood, and abusive marriage, abusive inlaws... you name it. I have been done over many times.

                        A short example, my husband was run over by a man who ran a red light. He was very badly injured and will never recover completely. Not only did the driver get away with it, he bought a bigger truck. He works where we do and actually came around making jokes to my husband. I was furious.

                        I had to ask God to give me the will to forgive him, because I didn't want to.
                        Then I worked on actively forgiving him.
                        I reminded myself that Jesus died for him, and all his sins were forgiven.
                        I reminded myself that the truth would out one day and he would be exposed.

                        It took me a period of years, but I managed to forgive him. Sometimes I still get angry at him (he keeps bothering us!) but I just go back to step one all over again.

                        " I have had an increasing burden to engage in some down and dirty, street evangelism." March 6, 2010

                        Isaiah 6:8 I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: “ Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?”

                        Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

                        Matthew 22:9 NIV
                        'So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’


                        I'm praying for you daily!
                        I get my Bibles here

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Firefly View Post
                          Thank you Yrrek, your insight is helpful to me, and I am sure to many others reading this thread.
                          It's all through experience. But I am glad my journey has helped you and hopefully others. It takes practice and you can't get practice without going through things. It's hard sometimes but, I know that in the end, there is a reward. The bible says that he keeps track of all the wrongs and will one day make things right. When I get angry or depressed, I try to remember that. Although, I've probably battled dark thoughts and suicide more than I have anger. I personally believe our journey is never ending. Like the problems never fully go away but with Christ we learn how to battle them.

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